frazzled & frumpy

"O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt." Mathew 15:28 There has been much talk recently about women and the priesthood. Why we don’t have it, why men do, what it all means in the scheme of things. I realize I’m coming to the conversation a bit late. (Story of my life.) There is a reason for my tardiness. First, I’ve been thinking and pondering and asking. Second, I have been discussing it, but only with my husband in the privacy of our bedroom, where I often regale him with my spiritual thoughts and ideas.  After much thought and some conversation, I decided I needed to share my thoughts and my reasons why… Why I do not want to be ordained to the priesthood. There are two reasons, mostly. The first, quite briefly, is that I believe in revelation—that this church is led by it. I believe this is the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints . It is not the church of President Monson , or the church of the brethren. So, attempts at petition...

This summer sort of shook my foundations and left me feeling off kilter. I avoided writing because every time I sat and thought, my mind went into dark places where I didn't want to go. I distracted myself with television and music and reading and my kids. Now, the kids are back in school and the cloud that hung over us, and threatened a violent storm, simply dissipated into the atmosphere. I have hours and hours in front of me to do whatever I want. But, what is it I want? I want to be the woman I am supposed to be. Who is she?  I have wondered and pondered over that. Does she look like me? How can she be an influence on others? What can she do?  Does she wake up early to exercise? Will she keep her house clean? Does she need a job? I honestly didn't know. And, then, I prayed. I simply asked, "What is it You need me to be?" The answer did not come suddenly. It wasn't loud and did not bring with it any angelic visitors. It came hours later, when I was s...

  This is a series I will be writing as I try to find a way to get past my self-criticism and love myself 'As I Am'.  I hope you'll join me in the challenge. I don't think I called myself 'fat' in front of my kids. (I don't think.)  I do remember times when one of them would say something about me being fat. My husband would get angry, I would tell  him, "It's ok, they're not being mean, just truthful." I smiled and brushed it off. Inside, it felt like a white-hot dagger. While I may not have called myself fat, I know my attitude and actions said it loud and clear. Not wanting to put on a swimsuit, not doing activities (like volleyball or other sports) because I worried about how I'd look, cringing at myself in the mirror. Yesterday, I read this article, which is a letter from a daughter to her mother. It gripped me and made me cry.  It needs to be read. By mothers, sisters, friends, anyone who is a role model to young girls. I...

Last weekend I went out with some friends. Beautiful, intelligent, caring women who have recently become a part of my life. I'd been looking forward to this night for weeks . We met, we hugged, we gushed over how good it was to be together again. We sat and in-between talking, ordered, and, somehow consumed, good food. We caught up on our lives and discussed future plans-new homes, campaigns, travel and children. It was glorious. Simply glorious. At the end of the night, as we began, reluctantly, to say our good-byes, everyone whipped out their phones for pictures. We flashed and snapped our happy faces. And, after this amazing evening, with women who clearly care for me and who I am , I looked at the picture and cringed. "Ugh. My hair looks so dumb."  I resisted the urge to delete the photo, mainly because it captured this night that I never want to forget. Later, I looked at the picture again. No, my bangs did not look just-out-of-the-salon perfect, but then, they...