frazzled & frumpy

I was released from my calling on Sunday. That's a very simple sentence, yet so difficult to write. After Bro. R. told me, (right before church started)  I thought, OK, so we knew this was a possibility. As a presidency, we sometimes talk about it. I was sad, but ok.  Then, when he stood to take care of ward business, he read my name. Only. My. Name.  I sat in stunned silence, confused. I knew that this was an inspired change. I have a testimony of the divinity of callings. I even shared that testimony on Sunday. Yet, as I spoke the words, affirming my willingness to do what the Lord asks, inside, my head was crying "No!" The spiritual side of me held on to that belief, but all the human emotions of confusion and grief wrapped themselves around my heart, making it a weight in my chest.  And, then I cried.  For two days. I've pondered this change and the effect it's had on me.  I kept telling myself that our callings don't define us. But, it isn't true....

I gave a talk in church yesterday. The subject was 'The Divine Roles of Men and Women'. I like that word- Divine . I looked it up and one of the definitions was 'of God'. That fits. As in- child of God and daughter of God . We should remind ourselves of how divine we are. When you get ready for bed tonight, no makeup, hair combed out, jammies on, toothbrush in mouth, look in the mirror and repeat with me, "I am divine ." It's what we are at our core. One of the Young Women values is Divine Nature, you know. We're trying to convince them that they are divine , too. Do you know what it means? To be a Divine Daughter of God ? It means you can do hard things. That's something our esteemed and brilliant Young Women's President has been trying to teach the girls. Back in November she challenged them, their families and the leaders to memorize 'The Living Christ'. She even broke it up into sections. We started on Dec. 5 and each week ther...

We took our young women to Temple Square to do baptisms today. None of them had ever been to the Salt Lake temple for this, so it was a real treat. Mother Nature cooperated, blanketing the city with a gorgeous Christmas snow. The temple workers asked the leaders if we would dress in white for the baptisms, which we did. I thought this was a unique opportunity for the girls to see us like that. Maybe I'm reading more into it, but there was a look in my daughter's eyes when she saw me. She admired the shiny fabric of my dress. I admire it, too. We ( the leaders) agreed that we feel beautiful in the temple. It isn't just the pretty dress, it's about being there in the house of the Lord. Perhaps for a little while we can see ourselves the way He sees us. It's the way we see the girls. Beautiful, amazing and full of promise. It's sad that as grown ups we need a reminder, but we do. The temple is a great place for that. It was also quite appropriate for the week of C...

A couple weeks ago, one of our Young Women spoke in church. Her topic was gratitude. She said two things that really affected me. First, she suggested that every day in November, we write a thank you letter. Now, clearly I love to write. But, letters? Well, you know how many people write letters anymore. I recently got a letter (e-mail, actually) from my son's Seminary teacher. In it, he told me what a blessing my son is in his life and how much he loves having him in class. I cried, of course. What a blessing that letter was to me. So, I'm taking the challenge to write a thank-you everyday this month. Not e-mail or text, but an honest-to-goodness, hand-written letter. Second, she told a story about a mom listening to her child's prayer and how that mom was struck by the simple things the child expressed thanks for ( I think pizza and toys were on the list). This made me think about how there are so many things in my life that I take for granted and never say thanks for. So...

There are some things that 'I am' that are easy to prove. For example: I am a mother - I have the children, the stretch marks and saggy, uh, skin to prove this one. Whethe or not I'm a good mother, is not so easy. If you listened outside my windows at certain times of the day you might doubt that. I am a young women's leader - the stooped shoulders caused by the big, fat notebook that I carry around every Sunday would prove this one. Along with the e-mails, meetings and the worry lines that I contribute to stressing over these precious girls. I am a stay-at-home mom - not because I stay-at-home that much, but because I can tell you who won the showcase on Price is Right and what my friends posted on Facebook today. I am a friend - how can you prove this one? Well, have your washing machine break down and see how many offers you get to 'come on over'. I had enough that made me feel very friend-ly. My point with this post is that some things 'we are' are...

Have you ever been to jail? I went last week. No, I didn't finally lose it and lock my kids in the basement for the day. We went for Young Women's. I wouldn't say it was fun, but it was educational and enlightening. Here's a few things I learned- When you arrive, you do not get to keep your cute sweater and slacks like Ashley Judd did in 'Double Jeopardy'. You are strip searched (it's even more awful than the word makes it sound.) and given some recycled underwear-brown- and clothes. This happens in front of a deputy. There is no privacy in jail. You get to sit in a holding cell with several other people for up to 3 hours. It's one room with windows so the deputies can see in and the toilet is just there on the wall. There is no privacy in jail. There are cute women police officers. I always thought when I saw TV cops that there weren't any that looked like that in real life. Our deputy, Kassie, proved that wrong. A cute deputy is still a cop and ca...