Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Hold On

There has been a lot of tragedy in our lovely state this week. Several families were altered forever. Lives were changed. Futures suddenly uncertain and dark. The story of the Bear Lake accident was all over the media, both locally and nationally. It broke our hearts and made us all hold our loved ones closer.

Thing is, tragedies happen everyday--quietly, without any fanfare or notice, except by those affected. Whether public or private, one thing remains the same--we all experience heartache.

As a member of the human race we all go through trying times. We try to avoid it, but Heartache is the master at hide-and-seek. It finds us. It squeezes our hearts, wringing them out till we feel drained and lifeless. But, it isn't so. It is the pain that reveals how very alive we are. It is the intense, immense love in our lives that allows for the ache, fosters it.

It is hard. It is hurtful. It is meant to be.

Grief and sadness, trials of all kinds, are the things that make us who we are. Because we love, we hurt. Because our lives are full, we feel the emptiness when it comes. We must taste to bitter to appreciate the sweet.

And, these things, this agony, link us to each other. We may not all have the same experience, but we all experience suffering. We can hold hands and hold each other. We can show up, give hugs, pray.

These are also the things that link us to the Savior, the One who bowed below all. He who knows the most about love and pain has paved the way for us. He is the One who understands. He is the source of our Hope.

The hope He offers is a shining beacon of light. It is a life preserver thrown just within our reach. Grab on. Hold on. He will keep us afloat. He will pull us to safety.

He alone understands the tears and the heaviness. He has experienced the lonely hours and endless nights. He will share our burdens and lift up the hands that hang down. He is the light of a new day.

So hold on, the Light will come.

Friday, May 29, 2015

80's Music Rocks

Today's all-alone-at-7am-on-the-freeway-so-no-one-can-hear-me-sing-at-the-top-of-my-lungs songs-

You should have heard me. I was awesome. Well, not really.  I think I had a pack of dogs following me.

I love 80's music.
That is all.

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Frazzled Confessions

The Handy Man came home from work today, took one look at our room and said,

"It looks like the dryer threw up on our bed."

(Maybe I should fold some laundry.)

Monday, May 11, 2015

A Better Day

(This was originally written four years ago. Funny how time passes, but the feelings about motherhood stay the same.)

This afternoon, Noah begged me to push him on the swing. I dragged myself outside to help him. No underdog, he informed me. I complied .  It only took a couple pushes because (hooray!)he’s learned to pump.  I stepped back and laid on the warm, black surface of the tramp.  The backs of my eyelids blazed red as I soaked up some much needed vitamin D.  I laid there, listening to the creak of the swing, taking deep breaths,  thinking about my day and how much more relaxed I felt than the day before. 

I’m not made for being a chauffer.  I counted a total of 7 trips I made on Wednesday. (Almost a half tank of gas! Ga!)  I came home angry and frustrated.   I growled at my kids and was prickly to my husband. Once dinner had been served, I parked my car-seat-shaped-butt on my bed, announcing that I was not moving for the rest of the night.  I didn’t.  When I said my prayers, I’m ashamed to say, I was still cranky.

Lucky for me, we have a Father who knows and loves us, even when we’re grouchy.  He knows what we need, even when we don’t. 

I was supposed to have another day of running back and forth, but things turned out differently.  I was able to be home. I cleaned , I vaccumed, I laundered.   Funny how the things I complain about were the very things I needed to do to feel normal again.  I sat with Noah on my lap to watch cartoons. Heavenly day- we both took a nap!  When the kids arrived from their next-to-last day of school, I was there and happy to see them, to listen to their stories and admire their artwork and serve up less-than-nutritous snacks.

Today, my loving Father gave me what I needed. A day of home.  A day to be a mom. A day to rest.  Tender mercies to remind me that I’m known and loved and watched over.

Friday, May 8, 2015

My Mother's Day Card for You

(Original here.)


She is not hidden, silent or withdrawn.
She is there, if I seek Her.

She is in the craggy mountain peaks,
Snow covered, tree lined majesty.
I see her in the brilliant blue of sky,
She lives in the curve of my body,
And, the soft lines on my face.

I hear her voice in the song of wind
Lifting poplar leaves.
She is in the call of hawks, grand and resonant,
She echoes in the sweet, simple sound
of my child’s laughter.

I smell her when the breeze
Carries the scent of spring,
Cherry blossoms, lilacs, petunias.
She is there in fall,
In the crisp air, the fragrance of earth preparing to rest,
The taste of tart apples, sweet plums,
A bountiful harvest.
She is in the taste of salty tears
Filled with sorrow or joy.

I feel her in the cool of rain on my skin,
In the warm sun, the tingle of breeze,
A lover’s touch.
She is in my heart, each and every beat,
I feel her reflected in the love I have
For family, friends,

She is not hidden, silent or withdrawn,
She is everywhere and everything,
She is around me, beside me,
Inside me.

She is Mother.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Feral Thoughts

Some days, ideas come to me like a spring rainstorm.  Thoughts drop and pelt my brain until they flow over into my fingers and onto my screen. I cannot type fast enough as my thoughts race ahead of me, looking back, urging me to hurry.

Other day, ideas avoid me- wild, feral cats who want nothing to do with my tame brain. I chase them, getting oh, so close. Just as I'm about to touch one, grab it's striped tail, it scurries away and hides beneath a rock. Then, I sit, hands still, hoping one of them will wander over and join me. They stay back, watching me warily,  sending an occasional hiss my way.

Today is a cat kind of day.  And, I really don't like cats.

(I'm definitely a dog person.)

Friday, April 17, 2015

Random Friday

If my dog ever runs away, I'll know it's because when he tries to jump on our bed and fails, we laugh at him. (It really is funny.)

My son volunteered to wash dishes last night. (*ahem* teenage son)  This makes me so happy I can hardly stand it.

As soon as I leave the room, the Handy Man turns the TV to ESPN or some other sport-report-clip-thing. When he leaves, I turn it to news.  Or search to find an episode of The Big Bang Theory. Or Friends.

All the times that I've gotten a flat tire, only once has it happened on the road. Every other time, it's been at home. I'm just lucky that way.

Maverick now has styrofoam cups for my diet Coke. I feel a bit like they did this just for me. Because I'm probably their best customer.

I am obsessed with Sam Smith. Ob. Sessed. I have four of his songs on my phone and I listen to them daily. It makes me feel a bit less 'out of it' and old. (This one is my favorite!)