On Turning 56 and Leaning In

The last few months, every time I thought about my birthday, I thought about

turning 55. Then, one day I realized–I AM 55. What? I’ve never minded my age, never feared getting older. But this whole nope-you’re-already-55-you’ll-be-56

has thrown me for a loop. 

So, what does one do when they feel like they’ve lost a year? How do you

celebrate a birthday? What do you do with this year? 

I’ve pondered this during the last week, wondering about goals or a theme word

for the year. Then, while mindlessly scrolling Instagram reels I saw a clip from

an interview with Brene Brown and Oprah. Brene was talking about vulnerability

and joy. She told a story about a man who said he was always afraid of the

joy-filled moments because he was waiting for something bad to happen.

So, he stayed ‘in the middle’, never being too joyful so that if something bad

happened, he was ready. If something good happened, it was a nice surprise.

Then, in his 60’s he and his wife were in an accident and his wife was killed.

He said that he wished he had ‘leaned into the joy’ while she was alive. 

Oh.

Do you do this? Worry every time things seem to be going great? Think about

what might go wrong? Imagine scenarios just waiting to fall? Try not to enjoy the

happy times too much, just in case?

This is so me. 

Listening to Brene Brown talk about vulnerability and leaning into joy made me

realize I’m missing out on amazing moments. Living ‘in the middle’ is not how life

was meant to be. Yes, hard times will come. Trials will arrive on our doorsteps.

And, there will be tears. BUT, there is also much joy to be had. 

So, this, THIS is my 56-year goal, my phrase for the year. I am going to

‘Lean Into the Joy’. I will embrace the happy moments and feel them fully.

I will hold my new grandbabies (I have 2 new ones, by the way) and spend time

playing with sweet Rory. I will savor all the times I have with all of my children

and revel in the travel and new places I get to experience. 

Will there be hard times and trials? Surely. But, I will get through them and look

for the joy on the other side.

Happy Birthday to me.