frazzled & frumpy

This summer sort of shook my foundations and left me feeling off kilter. I avoided writing because every time I sat and thought, my mind went into dark places where I didn't want to go. I distracted myself with television and music and reading and my kids. Now, the kids are back in school and the cloud that hung over us, and threatened a violent storm, simply dissipated into the atmosphere. I have hours and hours in front of me to do whatever I want. But, what is it I want? I want to be the woman I am supposed to be. Who is she?  I have wondered and pondered over that. Does she look like me? How can she be an influence on others? What can she do?  Does she wake up early to exercise? Will she keep her house clean? Does she need a job? I honestly didn't know. And, then, I prayed. I simply asked, "What is it You need me to be?" The answer did not come suddenly. It wasn't loud and did not bring with it any angelic visitors. It came hours later, when I was s...

Sundays can be challenging.  Getting a bunch of kids ready for church, that starts at 9am, is anything but peaceful. Especially when you have one that asks every Sunday- "Do I have to go to church today?" What would make today different than any other Sunday for the past 9 years of your life? Still he asks. And we struggle. And I'd like to say I never yell, not on a Sunday. But, I'd rather admit to yelling than lie. Today, I sat in Sacrament meeting and realized something. I was grouchy. No, really.  Like  judging-my-neighbor-feeling-sorry-for-myself-why-did-they-pick-this-song grouchy.  So, I repented, and asked for help. Then, one of the speakers was a man who has just recently started coming back to church. And, I was judgemental again. And, I sort of zoned out for a while. Then, something gave me a nudge and I started to listen.  He told about the changes he'd made and the love he has for the Savior and how he's devoting his life to Him. And, I felt...