frazzled & frumpy

My day started at 5am. I stumbled through the dark for glasses, phone, sweatshirt. Following the Handy Man into the garage, then the car, I tilted my seat back and closed my eyes. Celine Dion serenaded us as he drove down the quiet highway. Every few minutes, I would open my eyes. My thoughts were going back and forth like the red and white lights that broke the darkness. In a few hours, I will don my Sunday best and take Max to his first funeral. His best friend's father died last Friday. Max has been melancholy, but mostly seemed unaffected. Then, yesterday, he said, "Wes is too young for his father to die."  Yes. Ten is much too young for your father to die. This last week has stripped me of my invincibility. It has reminded me of how fragile and uncertain our lives are.  On Thursday, my friend's husband died after a battle with leukemia. Shirley and I have known each other for 25 years. Neal (her husband) was only one year older than me. Two deaths in ...

I grew up in the good old days. The ones where children roamed the streets all day and their parents had no idea where they were.  I played at any house with a child my age--even if my parents didn't know theirs.  I would wander home around lunchtime, if the strange mother of the house where I was playing didn't already feed me a PB&J (I'm sure kids had peanut allergies back then, but not once was I ever asked if I had one. I didn't, so it's okay.)  We played till the sun went down, then you'd hear the clarion call of the neighborhood-- "Timmy!  Sally! Jane! Come home!" One of my favorite friends was Lisa.  She lived on the corner of my street.  My sister, Ellen, and I would go down to Lisa's house.  Sometimes we would play house or modeling (my dream was to be a supermodel, so glad that one came true.), but the best game we played was 'Queen'. In this make-believe world, Lisa was the queen and we were her servants.  Why, you ma...

Do you know what happens when you have a whole quiver of children? You get used to that can't-move-without-bumping-into-someone feeling.  You accept the idea that your 'parents only' bathroom gets used daily by people who are way too young to procreate. And, when a couple of your kids are gone for a few days, you feel the need to fill in the space. This causes you to, in a moment of 'I need more kids' weakness, allow your son to have a late-night. I didn't have 'late-nights' as a kid. We just had good, old-fashioned sleep-overs.  My parents didn't care if they didn't know the other parents. Would we be sleeping in a bed or on the living room floor with 16 other stragglers?  Whatever.  Just be home by 10 in the morning. Now, though, our world is a bit different. So, my son invited his 4, no 5, no,  6 closest friends (all boys but one girl- who has completely wrapped herself around my heart).  I baked brownies and popped popcorn before they a...

Sadie and her BFF My kids have good friends. I love my them. For example, there's D. Now, to understand, D. has two parents and her Japanese mother is the least strict of the two.  Their house is orderly and always, always clean. They have 3 very well-behaved children, who play instruments and attend 'advanced' classes. So, when D. showed up at our front door, mere minutes ago,  I cringed a little.  Today is our 'cleaning-up-before-the-big-guy-in-red-arrives' day, but we're all a little slow on the get-go. I've been on my laptop and the wii is heating up. In other words, my house is a mess.  I invited D.  up to the girls' room to wake them, kicking dirty clothes out of the way as I smiled.  "Don't look in the boy's room" I mentally encouraged.  She didn't flinch or look around in disgust.  She simply stepped over the chaos in the girls' room to rouse them from their wintery slumber.  She's such a good girl. (Plus, she c...

I'm off to youth Conference tomorrow.  I thought I'd leave you with a more positive post than that last one. They say that laughter is the best medicine. If that's true then my immune system should be in full force today. I went to a girl's night with some friends last night.  We all lived in a townhouse community in West Valley.  When we lived there, we were young with growing families.  The weekend we moved in, I took a pregnancy test. Positive, of course.  I joined the legions (I'm not kidding) of women in our ward who were either expecting or nursing new babies. That year, there were over 40 babies born. Spencer was number 44.  Every fast Sunday, we had 4 or more blessings.  The mother's room was much too small, we had women nursing while sitting on the floor. It was great! Years have passed, our kids are growing up.  We've moved on to new homes & neighborhoods.  But, though there are miles between us and so many changes- one thi...

You ever have one of those friends you would love to hate- but you can't. They are super cute and dress so stylish and probably the captain of the cheerleading squad and Laurel president? And, you want to just hate them and talk about them behind their back. But, thing is, they're also so super nice and not stuck up at all, even though they have every reason to be. Ever have one of those? Yeah, me too. That's how I'm feeling about the Clark family. Who are they, you ask? They are the famous bloggers named nienie and cjane. You already know that I can't stay away from those blogs for more than a day. Well, I recently found out that their brother has a blog too. What??? Yep, and guess what? He's the football captain and the prom king and Priest quorum assistant. In other words, his blog is just as fabulous as his famous sisters'. He's funny. So funny that I had to provide you a link to his horoscope post. It made me laugh, and since I'm all about givin...

pi-o-neer 1-a person who is among those who first enter or settle a region. 2-to lead the way for a group While I am very thankful for the pioneers, those men and women who left all that was familiar and comfortable to make a new life, this post isn't about them. This is about the second kind, the 'ones who've gone before'. You can be a pioneer in just about anything, really. Today, I'm especially grateful for those 'mommy pioneers' who've gone before me, experienced things that I will have to go through and who are willing to share their expertise. I have one specific pioneer in mind. I have a friend, Meg, who also has a child with Autism. Ever since we moved here, she's been a bit of a mentor to me. Her son is a year older than mine, which gives her the title of pioneer in my book. She's just far enough ahead of me to be able to guide my very misguided footsteps along the mothering path. We were talking the other day about a conversation I...

It seems that posting everyday is going to be more of a challenge than I thought. So, today, I'll do two. I'm thankful for the opportunity to get to know people. I went to high school with a girl named Cindy. I never liked her. She was very tom-boyish, never wore a dress, make-up or anything feminine. She played the drums in the band. I didn't know her well, but didn't really like her anyway. I can't even explain why. A couple years later, we ended up working at the same place. I was NOT thrilled. We spent all day together for weeks. Guess what? I loved her! She was funny and we had so much in common. We started hanging out and I was sad the day she left for her mission. We lost touch over the years, but I still remember her fondly. I recently had a similar experience where I got to spend some time with a woman I don't know well. I'll be honest, I'd made some judgements about her and decided I didn't really like her. After spending quite a bit of tim...

I've spent my morning reading blogs. Amazing blogs by amazing women. I sometimes wish I were their friend, but then I know it wouldn't work. Because I'm so jealous of them. They have these great, popular blogs about their fascinating lives with hundreds of followers. I should know, I'm one of them. I can't start my day without knowing what's going on in their lives. Pathetic. It's the dorky-girl/cheerleader thing all over again. Also, my friend is in Hawaii-again. Didn't she just go to Hawaii? Oh, no, that was a whole year ago. Sheesh, what was I thinking? I'd really hate her if she weren't so fabulous. And if I didn't love her so much. I don't have a problem with most of the other 9, no killing or adultery here. Maybe a little problem with the Sabbath day, but that's only when I'm unprepared and have no diet Coke to get me through all the spirituality. (Ok, and maybe a little false witness sometimes- "I know the door is ...