frazzled & frumpy

As an *ahem* older person, I have what some call "life experience". It's true. It's one of the best things about getting older. (There are a lot of not-so-great things, but we won't discuss that today.) As part of my experience, here is what I would say to all the 20-somethings out there, with all their hopes and dreams and plans— Your life is not going to turn out like you think. Oh, I’m not saying don’t make plans. Make them. Have dreams and do your darndest to achieve them. And hope, yes, please, have hope. You must have and do all of these things. But, in the end, things will change. And that’s ok. Maybe you’ll dream of having 6 kids, yes, 6 is the right number. And then you have 6. And, then, BAM! you find yourself pregnant with number 7. It wasn’t your plan. Or your dream. But, then you have that 7th child (and he’s not the girl you’d hoped for), but he turns out to be so much more. You sit now, with that baby number seven ready to enter junior high,...

There has been a lot of tragedy in our lovely state this week. Several families were altered forever. Lives were changed. Futures suddenly uncertain and dark. The story of the Bear Lake accident was all over the media, both locally and nationally. It broke our hearts and made us all hold our loved ones closer. Thing is, tragedies happen everyday--quietly, without any fanfare or notice, except by those affected. Whether public or private, one thing remains the same--we all experience heartache. As a member of the human race we all go through trying times. We try to avoid it, but Heartache is the master at hide-and-seek. It finds us. It squeezes our hearts, wringing them out till we feel drained and lifeless. But, it isn't so. It is the pain that reveals how very alive we are. It is the intense, immense love in our lives that allows for the ache, fosters it. It is hard. It is hurtful. It is meant to be. Grief and sadness, trials of all kinds, are the things that make us wh...

In church on Sunday, someone made the comment that we are in one of three places-- about to go into a crisis; in a crisis; or just coming out of a crisis.  As I look back at my life, I realize this is true.  It's not a bad thing, really. None of us get a life filled with sunshine and rainbows. Oh, the sunshine is there, as are the rainbows, but they aren't constant. Nor would we want them to be. Life is about growth, and growth requires trials. For me, I'm 'just coming out of crisis'. It was hard. It was heart-wrenching. It kept me down for weeks where I wanted nothing more than my bed, a box of tissues and the tv remote. I did not feel courageous. I felt weak, alone and angry. Angry because someone hurt me. They reached into my heart and used my greatest vulnerabilities and crushed me with them. They knew very well how this would hurt me, yet did it anyway. I was hurt and angry.  The anger burned in me and I held onto its warmth like a security blanket. I c...

My children's elementary school was evacuated today. They were told it was a fire drill and their lovely teachers led them as they walked down the street to a church. To them, an adventure. A chance to go home early. Exciting. That's the bliss of childhood innocence and ignorance. Me? I know. I know that it was 'what appeared to be a pipe bomb'. I know that police, and firefighters, and bomb-sniffing dogs converged on the school once the children were safely away. I know that they 'disabled' the device in the parking lot. I know what could have happened. I know . Because I know, I am fighting the brain-numbing, heart-gripping fear that threatens to completely disable me. Boston is too fresh in my mind. And Newtown.  I could consider the possibilities of today. I could sit and think and give in to the What-If's that blare at me like a neon sign. But, I won't. Because I don't believe in living in fear. There is no comfort in closing ...

And in despair, I bowed my head, "There is no peace on earth," I said: "For hate is strong And mocks the song Of peace on earth, good will to men." Then pealed the bells more loud and deep "God is not dead nor doth he sleep. The wrong shall fail, The right prevail, With peace on earth, good will to men." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I've been sailing along for a while, enjoying the smooth, glassy surface of the water. I'd put my head back, feeling the sun on my face. So caught up, I was, in the tranquility, I failed to notice the warning, the gathering clouds, the distant rumble of thunder.  To me, the storm seemed to come from nowhere.   Suddenly, I found myself among choppy waves and rain stung my face.  The wind stole my breath and threatened to tip me over completely. Tossed to and fro, I was unable to see the shore, or anything, other than the clouds that surrounded me. All I could do was hold on and pray for calmer weather. When you're weary Feelin small When tears are in your eyes I will dry them all I love this song. Always have. I recently found a version of it on youtube and have listened to it everyday. It has brought me much peace. I'm on your side When times get rough And friends just can't be found Like a bridge over troubled water I will lay m...

"The things we hope in sustain us in our daily walk. They uphold us through trials, temptations and sorrow.  Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty.  Indeed there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable.  It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light." -Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf Our house that year was underground. Not part of it, the whole thing.  Basement house.  (Whose bright idea was that?)  My dad had lost his job over the summer and we moved into the tiny home just before my sophomore year began. I won't go into all the details of the house, but suffice it to say it was dreadful. School began and soon the holidays approached.  No amount of poverty could hold the season at bay.  I have no idea how my parents got through that time.  Now, as a 'grown-up'  myself,  I better understand the stresses they must have...

We all watched with bated breath as those miners were brought to safety in Chile. When the last miner got out, they asked him what helped him survive. He said, "Faith, hope and family." I thought that those three words were incredibly profound considering the situation he'd been in. None of us will ever be trapped thousands of feet below ground, but we do all have our times when life is dark, gloomy and lonely. This has made me think alot about the events of this week. My friend's daughter died as a result of complications after a simple ankle surgery. Her daughter is married and has a 7 month-old baby girl. She has joined her dad and I'm sure they had a wonderful reunion. Those left behind, though, are sad, and overwhelmed with the prospect of finishing their time here without her. The miner's words have application for all us in our lives. Faith - It's one of the 'first four principles' of the gospel and something we talk about pretty much from ...