Monday, April 2, 2012

B is for Boobs



What is the magic of breasts? Preteens want them. Men desire them. So do babies.  Those with small ones covet the larger ones. We augment them, reduce them, cover them or show them off.  We strap them in, push them up, lift and separate.

Where is this leading?

It leads to today and my 'date' with the mammogram machine. This encounter was set up by my doctor. I trusted him and his match-making skills. But, as I went into my appointment, I began to wonder if perhaps we'd missed a step, or two. I think this machine should have at least bought me dinner, maybe sprung for a movie, before doing the things it did.

This is the life of a woman, I thought as the mammy squished my boob. Modesty? Well that's out the window after your very first OB exam. We are poked and prodded in the most private of places, all in the name of medicine.  Not that I think we shouldn't. My mom is a breast cancer survivor and I believe strongly in preventative and all kinds of medical treatment. It's just that, it seems, we women are subject to much more invasion than our testeroned counterparts.  I don't see any machines that squish their delicate protuberances.  You even mention something coming in contact with that and they all cringe in horror. As I was bemoaning my upcoming appointment, my son mentioned that they have to 'turn your head and cough'.   Oh, my, poor thing. Have you ever seen a speculum?

So, back to the boobs. This was my first mammogram and I'll admit, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. The tech was a very nice, older woman who was completely professional. And, it was over fast. But, when I got home, my daughter, (who I'd had to explain a mammogram to) couldn't quit laughing. She kept saying 'squish your boobs'. Thought it was just. so. hilarious.

 Ha, ha, girlie, laughs on you. What you see as so funny now,  is your future.

20 comments:

  1. You totally crack me up! The tests are no fun, for sure, but you reminded me that it's time for mine :)

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    1. Glad I could do my civic duty. Maybe I should make my post into a public service announcement.

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  2. I remember my grandma telling me she was sure some man invented the mammogram and if they just once had to use it for their "delicate area" they would invent something much better! LOL! I had my first one a couple years ago and thought it wasn't as bad as I was thinking it would be...until I had to go for further testing...now that stunk!! Thanks for the giggle...miss you!

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    1. I agree, it was definitely a man. (miss you, too.)

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  3. Poor boobies. They suffer so much for us! Nicely done post!

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    1. Seriously. They should get a greater reward than being strapped in a bra all day!

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  4. This is hilarious and, yeah, your daughter will eventually meet her karma for teasing. ;)

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    1. I actually feel bad for her- all the stuff she has to look forward to.

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  5. Not a pleasant thing to do...but not as painful as it used to be.

    I was at a party once when someone asked me if we knew each other. I said I didn't think so but she insisted. After talking a while, we realized she was the tech who'd done my mammo a few days previously. I guess I was looking anywhere but at her face!

    Rhia at Five Minute Piece for Inspiration (around #871 on A to Z list...it changes each day so...)

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  6. Oh, my, poor thing. Have you ever seen a speculum?

    I *may* have snorted when I read that. Not very dignified, but, that's me :)

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  7. I tried to describe a speculum to my husband - the best I could do was compare it to post hole diggers (the country boy that he is understood that!!) The look of horror on his face was priceless!

    Oh - and they have to be cold!

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    1. My husband has seen a speculum, but he has no clue how awful they are. And, yeah, why cold?

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  8. And to think that we are sometimes referred to as the "delicate" gender. What a load of crap.

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  9. So funny (and true!)...thanks for the laughs!

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  10. I'll soon be reaching that wonderful age where that last bit of self respect will be snatched away by that machine. Please tell me it's not as bad as I imagine!!

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  11. As a breast cancer survivor, I say "oh yeah. . ." Great post!

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