Friday, July 6, 2012

I Don't Run. Don't Ask Me.

I think a lot. When I don't understand something, I think about it. Lately, I've been thinking about running. Not as in, "I think I should run."  More like, "Why in the hell are all these people running?"




The only time I remember running on purpose was when my sister was chasing me with a butcher knife.  And, when my friend's rooster chased me out of the yard.  Of course, I did a lot of running when my kids were little and found joy in trying to get me to chase them.  My running always involves chasing.

But, running for fun?  It's become a bit of a plague.  Everyone seems to be taking it up.  I see them running in the morning when I'm 'running' to WalMart for milk.  Or in the evening, there they are, jogging down the street as if they have nothing better to do.

Don't they have anything better to do?

Also, running is expensive. You can't just throw on your five dollar WalMart keds, and ten dollar WalMart sweats and run.  Oh, no.  You must have 'running shoes'.  And, clothes.  Cute running shirts and shorts and sweatbands. And, special bras. And, fancy running watches.

Do you know how much these cost?

So,  if you want to be a runner, you clearly need lots of money.  Then, when people see you running, they think, "Hey, look at Bob. He's running.  He must be doing really well."
 If I had lots of money, I would not run.  I would pay someone to exercise me.  Yep, I'd get me a trainer.  He could come over and I would lay on the floor and he would move my legs back and forth for an hour.  I might even take a nap.  Oh, yeah.  Exercise in your sleep.  And, I would wear my sweats.

But, then I was thinking that I may be losing out on a serious money-making opportunity.  What is it?  you ask.

Races.

First, I thought, "Look how sad they are that they're running."
Then,  I realized they're syncing their fancy running watches.


Did you know people pay to run?  What the heck? Good money just to have the privilege of running and getting a t-shirt that says, 'I ran'?

So, I am announcing the first annual frazzled & frumpy Marathon.  It only costs $100 $200  $500 to enter.  You'll get a handmade fancy t-shirt that says-
 'I'm not frazzled or frumpy--I'm a runner!'

  And, instead of water stations, we'll hand out diet Coke. And cookies.  That'll keep your energy up.  And, if you get tired, you can just quit, no one will make fun.  I'll pick you up in my car and we'll drive to the finish line.  But, we'll have to stop at WalMart on the way. 

25 comments:

  1. I'm in. Plan on getting me after the first 100 yard dash. Bring pain killers.

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  2. I think this all the time.. running does not look or sound fun and for some reason I keep trying to pressure myself to start doing it. blech.

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    1. No kind of pressure would get me to run.

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  3. I think this all the time.. running does not look or sound fun and for some reason I keep trying to pressure myself to start doing it. blech.

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  4. You're mocking me, aren't you?! :) So you know....I never do a race without oreo cookies. Just sayin'.

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    1. Maybe just a little. But, I'm also mocking my brother-in-law, and many other friends who find joy in this weird hobby.

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  5. This made me laugh! A lot!!

    So thanks for the great morning laugh and for the great morning of reading. Love your story! =)

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    1. Thanks, Michelle. We should get together and watch all of our neighbors run around.

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    2. Okay, you bring the fan and I'll bring the shade. BYOD! =)

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  6. You are funny. For me running is kind of like cleaning the house... not terribly fun while you're doing it but very satisfying when it's done :) I feel the same about a trip to walmart though... there's something great about knowing that there will be milk for the cereal in the morning!

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    1. It shows- those who run, like you, and those who WalMart, like me.

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  7. I love to run, always have. I think it's funny that it's become so trendy. At my age it's become a time to reflect, to purge my mental junk and to earn a little treat here and there.
    I wish I could dance. I'd do that any day if I were coordinated. Instead I'm an awesome appreciator of the art. Those who dance leave me in awe.

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  8. I'm in! I did run a 10K once called the Shamrock Shuffle where they gave you beer tickets at the end. Only race I've ever enjoyed.

    I don't run anymore. It totally wasn't worth the t-shirts. Cookies on the other hand...

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  9. It is interesting that in your blog you never mention actually asking a runner why they run. It seems to me that if you really wanted to know why we're all out there running, you'd ask. You've made it clear that going out and trying it yourself won't happen.

    Did you really ask "don't they have anything better to do" while sitting at your computer, blogging? Seems a bit hypocritical to mock someone for doing something while you're sitting at a computer doing less.

    I have lots of things to do. I work, I play with my kids, I take care of my yard, I serve in my church calling, I have a group of friends that I like to spend time with, I find time to watch tv and relax.

    From the strength of the youth "...care for your body, eat nutritious food, exercise regularly, and get enough sleep. Practice balance and moderation in all aspects of your physical health."

    We have been commanded to take care of our bodies. Running takes up to 4% of my week. I'd say I am not doing it in excess.

    Lastly, you talk about how expensive it is to run. This is the all inclusive excuse. It's too expensive to.... run, eat healthy, pay tithing, go to school, dress nicely, go on vacation, buy groceries. I can break down for you how much it costs me to run. There is equipment, there is a time commitment and there is definitely a recreational side to it.

    I would ask you, how much did your computer cost? How many hours have you spent in front of it? How many things have you neglected because of it?

    When weighing the benefit of blogging against the benefits of running I'll go with running every time. I'm healthier, I'll live longer and I'll have more time, happier time, on this earth with my family. You'll have.... 8 comments on this post.

    (I hope you can tell I'm more than a little irritated)

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    1. Ummm, I think it was intended to be funny. It's fab that you are a runner. I was an avid runner myself before getting ill. But it's important for all of us to be able to tell satire from a serious attack on...whatever. Makes for a happier, laughier world.

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    2. Wow. Defensive much??? Running is not for everyone...different people enjoy different hobbies. Jewels may not love to run, but she does enjoy writing and she does it extremely well. This post was meant to be funny...to tease a little bit. I'm one of those runners that she is teasing...and I laughed long and hard! It was not meant even remotely seriously. Chill out a little bit! Sheesh.

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    3. I can appreciate satire. I am assuming that I am the brother-in-law that Julie mentions above as the person she is mocking. This felt more passive aggressive to me than it felt like satire. I'm a loyal reader of Julie's blog. I didn't like this post and I think I'm entitled to that opinion. I love Julie and I would imagine that she knew she'd get my opinion on this when she wrote it. I'm not going to get hung up on it and don't expect she will either. I just wanted to share my irritation about being mocked.

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    4. Sorry for offending you, Joe. It really was meant as just a funny post. I honestly think it's so great that you have become such an avid runner. You don't know how many people I have told (proudly) about your Ragnar team. I showed your picture to my whole family because I thought it was so cool.
      I don't run because I always hated it.
      Yes, I spend a lot of time with my computer. I won't apologize for that. And as for the money, we don't wear nice clothes, don't go on vacation and often struggle just to put food in the fridge. My computer was an investment we made 2 1/2 years ago when we got our taxes. It cost a whopping $250.
      Again, this post was a JOKE. I didn't mean to offend anyone. I'm very sorry.

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    5. No worries Jules. I appreciate the kind words about running. I know how you feel about it because I used to feel the same way. I'm so glad that I went out and pursued it. It has changed a lot of things about me.

      I don't expect you to apologize for your computer. I enjoy 99% of your posts. I just wanted to point out that all of the extra-curricular things we do have a cost associated with them, but it doesn't have to imply a financial status. I've never paid more than $40 for running shoes.

      Love ya sis.

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  11. Wow that did turn out to be controversial, had me laughing though (not a runner can you tell?!? Never saw the point when I was always a stand and fight girl. Zumba is much more fun too)

    Anyway, we get plenty of exercise at the computer; it takes speed, precision and well toned fingers to type this fast and my throwing arm has never been this strong before and all I have to thank for that is writers block ;-)

    Anyway, as the discussion went in our house yesterday...'the world would be a boring place if we were all the same' daughters reply 'but why?' oh help!!!!

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  12. Almost afraid to comment after the controversy--your proposed marathon kind of reminds me of what we in the back of Algebra II used to call the Geek Olympics. We developed a whole series of events--for example, punching 1+1 into a calculator and then hitting the equals button for sixty seconds to see who could get the highest total or tossing a pencil up into the air and catching it between our first two fingers and then second & third finger, etc. Not terribly athletic, but it killed time & kept us entertained while we were waiting for our teacher to wander back from wherever she was.

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  13. When and what color are the t-shirts? You totally cracked me up. I'm a runner... and I love it, but I also understand how people can't understand why people run for *gasp* fun. Thanks for the laugh!

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  14. Wow. I finally just caught up with where I left off on your blog. (had to stop and shower, eat, charge computer and now on the phone out running errands with the hubs) I just had to chime in and make sure you knew this runner found no offence in your post.

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