The only time I remember running on purpose was when my sister was chasing me with a butcher knife. And, when my friend's rooster chased me out of the yard. Of course, I did a lot of running when my kids were little and found joy in trying to get me to chase them. My running always involves chasing.
But, running for fun? It's become a bit of a plague. Everyone seems to be taking it up. I see them running in the morning when I'm 'running' to WalMart for milk. Or in the evening, there they are, jogging down the street as if they have nothing better to do.
Don't they have anything better to do?
Also, running is expensive. You can't just throw on your five dollar WalMart keds, and ten dollar WalMart sweats and run. Oh, no. You must have 'running shoes'. And, clothes. Cute running shirts and shorts and sweatbands. And, special bras. And, fancy running watches.
Do you know how much these cost?
So, if you want to be a runner, you clearly need lots of money. Then, when people see you running, they think, "Hey, look at Bob. He's running. He must be doing really well."
If I had lots of money, I would not run. I would pay someone to exercise me. Yep, I'd get me a trainer. He could come over and I would lay on the floor and he would move my legs back and forth for an hour. I might even take a nap. Oh, yeah. Exercise in your sleep. And, I would wear my sweats.
But, then I was thinking that I may be losing out on a serious money-making opportunity. What is it? you ask.
|First, I thought, "Look how sad they are that they're running."|
Then, I realized they're syncing their fancy running watches.
Did you know people pay to run? What the heck? Good money just to have the privilege of running and getting a t-shirt that says, 'I ran'?
So, I am announcing the first annual frazzled & frumpy Marathon. It only costs
$100 $200 $500 to enter. You'll get a handmade fancy t-shirt that says-
'I'm not frazzled or frumpy--I'm a runner!'
And, instead of water stations, we'll hand out diet Coke. And cookies. That'll keep your energy up. And, if you get tired, you can just quit, no one will make fun. I'll pick you up in my car and we'll drive to the finish line. But, we'll have to stop at WalMart on the way.