Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Why I'll Never Be a Band Teacher

Spencer



A clarinet.
(Obviously, I didn't take any pictures last night.)

Last night was Spencer's band concert. We were 5 minutes late. If you know me, you'll know that to me, 10 minutes early is five minutes late. This time, we were actually 5 minutes late. Normally, that would cause me enormous stress and anxiety.

 But, this was a jr. high band concert.

I can't imagine the thought process that leads a person to be a jr. high band teacher. No way did they go to career day and say, "I think I'll teach a bunch of 12 year-olds to play the clarinet. I'd like nothing more than to listen to pre-pubescent kids squeak and squawk through 'Go Tell Aunt Rhody'."

I'm guessing they have some angelic, saint-like gene in their makeup. . They clearly love music. And kids. Somehow, those two emotions combine to create the patience of Mother Teresa. Or maybe they're partially deaf.

Last night was a music festival. Bands from four different schools converged on one gymnasium to perform.  It was magical. (I can't even type that with a straight face.)

Because we were uber late, we sat out in the hall. This was ok with me, because those gym bleachers have no back rest.  We found a partially padded bench and listened intently played Angry Birds Space on my phone. I did go over every couple songs to see when Spencer played. And, I will admit that our band sounded much better than a couple of the others.

While we sat there, I told the Handy Man that I'm a terrible mother. Because I don't enjoy these concerts. He laughed and pointed to the other parents who were roaming the halls, playing on their phones, and generally not listening.

That doesn't prove I'm not terrible.

 It just means I'll have lots of company in Bad Parent Hell.

17 comments:

  1. One of my favorite clarinet things is a classical piece but I thought it was a Beethoven. After much searching I discovered it was reaLLy a Mozart piece and one of the last things he did before he died. It is the second movement of KV 622.

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    1. You impressed me with the first 5 words. Anyone who has a favorite clarinet anything is much more musical than I am.

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  2. I think pretty much anything and everything having to do with Jr. High is a wash-out. It's just a stepping stone to High School, which is really just a stepping stone to life beyond. [Insert something funny here about Bad Parent Hell...I know anything you come up with to insert will be so much more funny, so that's why I'm leaving it up to you :) That, and I'm tired.]

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    1. I hated jr. high. It's one of those necessary evils.
      (Will you come down and visit me in hell?)

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  3. Can you save me a padded seat when you get to Bad Parent Hell? I'm sure I won't be far behind.

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    1. We'll be sitting in massage-recliners!

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  4. Make sure there's room for me on that padded seat :) I am not fond of band concerts. When Aaron and I were dating he was so excited to take me to see a Symphony by the lead singer of Talking Heads....I slept through the entire thing with my head on his shoulder. Josh was in jr high band and high school band until his senior year...Matthew was in jr high band and now high school band so the hell just continues.

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    1. AH, imagine the good times we'll have in the heat! We'll be so tan!

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  5. Funny. We just went to a ban concert for my 12 year-old, too! We got to sit through his—7th grade—and then 8th and then the less-spectacular high schoolers and then the more-spectacular high schoolers. A great deal of feigned interest was required. I prefer Metallica to Big Band music, overall. But for the delight of not seeing my tuba player in the far back row—it's all worth it! ;)

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    1. Yes, and that moment when they're looking for you and then see you- that's pretty priceless.
      (Of course, I didn't get that this time, as we were in the hall.)

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  6. I've never had to endure a jr. high band concert. Now vocal concerts on the other hand....many, many of those. Somehow I think maybe they're not so bad as band. The 7th grade boys choir I'm always happy to get over with....but for the most part, I can make it through the whole concert with minimum discomfort. Maybe we've just been really lucky with choral teachers. The one at Kaysville Jr. High actually impresses me tremendously. We're at Centennial Jr. now (new school...this is only it's second year) and I've yet to be at a choral concert there....Julianne just barely joined the show choir this semester. Anyhow, I feel for you!!! I always love going to the symphony but I guess all those phenomenal musicians most likely went through a squeaky, ear-splitting, painful phase in learning their instrument!

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    1. I have to think vocal concerts would be less painful. Well... not if my kids were singing. But, I'd love to hear yours sing.

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  8. Save me a seat next to you. And please teach me how to play Angry Birds. I needed SOMETHING to do during the 8 hour chess tournament on Saturday.

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    1. I'm pretty awesome at Angry Birds Star Wars. And, I get a strange enjoyment from the sound effects of "pig-pig". 8 hours of chess? I'd bring a cot, not a game.

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  9. This made me laugh - and I'm with you. I greatly admire the man or woman who conduct all those squirrelly kids, but I am not that person.

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  10. Thanks for reminding me of one of the things I don't miss about my kids being younger--we used to try to bring our daughter early and then go home and time our re-arrival for her performance so as not to have to sit through all the rest. So you can count Hubby and I as two more to keep you company in Bad Parent Hell. Forget fire and brimstone, it's gonna be an eternity of screechy saxophones and tone-deaf third graders belting out the hits of Barry Manilow.

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