frazzled & frumpy

Have you ever had those times, when life is like an easy chair? All comfy and soft and warm. You are relaxed and happy and-- gosh! why not put your feet up? Sigh. Easy. What you may not have noticed, as you sit there with your chips and diet Coke, is the five-point harness strapped around you. And the click-click-click of the track beneath you. Oh, and the fact that you're view is suddenly filled with sky and clouds. Hang on, hon, because this ride is about to get real. I started my day like usual with a few of my kids hanging out on my bed. I was on my laptop and from the corner of my awareness, I heard my son, Max, making a weird sound. "Stop it. Please." (I was being very calm and patient.) "I can't." I turned to look at him and my heart dropped. His head kept making involuntary jerks while his mouth made a 'tch' sound. "I don't know why I'm doing it." Stroke. Seizure. Tourrettes. A lifetime of teasing. All th...

"In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited...hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes." General Conference is in 20 days. (Twenty!) I love conference. It's the highlight of my year..half year? It happens twice a year, so whatever. It's a highlight. We get to stay home in our jammies and, as my kids say, "Watch church on TV." As I say- I get to sit at the feet of prophets and hear what they know I need. And I need it. Every time. Each talk is good. Each one inspired. But, there's always one or two that seem to have been written just for me . And when I hear that talk, and it touches the depths of my soul, and my question is answered, then I know- He's listening. In preparation for conference, I decided to watch a previous talk everyday. Today's talk was by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland on faith. I remember when he gave this ...

Helloooo my five readers!! Are there still five of you? Ah, crap! It's been so long I'm sure I've lost one or two. My bad. Anyway, today I am returning to the blogging world. (I know, you probably don't believe me because I've said that a few too many times.) But, this time I mean it! Why? Well, I quit my *job for one thing. Yeah, I thought, what the heck, this extra income thing is for the birds. I should just stay home again. And so I am. I was hoping to do 'something' to replace said extra income. Still working on that. Until then, it's Ramen for dinner kids! (They don't mind. They actually like ramen for dinner, which makes me wonder if they're actually my children after all.) Also, I miss writing. I've been writing, if you call editing a novel writing. It is, I guess, but it's much harder and much less fun than real writing. And I miss getting comments that make me feel like I have some talent. I don't get those from editing...

I have simple needs. Sleep, food, diet Coke, the Handy Man. These are basic needs in my life. Basic. Without any of them, I would very quickly stop functioning. Oh. I forgot laughter. I need this. Every. Day. There are scientific studies about the benefits of laughter and how it increases endorphins and makes your brain sharp and cleanses your colon- or something like that.  (Maybe not the colon part.) I can tell you very unscientifically that laughter makes you feel good. Take tonight for example. I spent three hours with several friends who I don’t see near enough. We talked about families and jobs and babies and maybe a little about sex. And we laughed. Oh, man, did we laugh. (Because sometimes sex is funny.) But we’re friends, so that means we also talked about the other stuff. The hard things and struggles. The things that make us doubt ourselves and those that make us cry. It’s good to have friends who understand, (and who, if they don’t understand, nod and smi...

If someone asked me if I was a good cook, I would answer quickly, without hesitation. (I might even puff out my chest a bit.) “Heck, yeah, I am.” I have no problem admitting that. None. Yet, if someone asked me if I was a good writer, I’d pause. “Well… other people have said that I am.” Then I’d probably follow up with, “I’m not published or anything.” Why? Why not say what I want to say- “Yes. I am a damn good writer.” (Because I am.) I think there’s too much self-depreciation in our humility. We’re afraid that if we say we’re good at something others will see us as conceited instead of confident. But this kind of humility doesn’t do anyone any good. One of my favorite quotes supports this idea- “We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.”* Perhaps we should ask ourselves what God would think of our false humility. Since He is the One who gave us our gifts, who knows better than anyone ...

(I originally wrote this two years ago. But, the message is still true- the light is on its way.) Darkness terrified me.  As a child it was all that was wrong.  You couldn't see and in the midst of that unseen world were monsters.  Real or imagined, it didn't matter. A child's mind has trouble differentiating between the two.  I avoided it, hid under the covers and ran from it. Now, I can handle physical darkness.  I can find my way through the shadows without so much as bumping my shin.  I don't mind the night, there are times when it is welcome. It's the other darkness that worries and overwhelms me. The kind that comes from within. This year has been one of joy and discovery.  I've made new friends and learned so much. Yet, amid the happiness and good things, there was also some blackness. It slinked in without me knowing and suddenly I was enveloped in the gloom. My blood ran like ink, making my heart heavy and slow.  My hands hung down...

Shhhh. My house is empty. It's so quiet. I am all alone. If I'm dreaming, please don't wake me. I'm not dreaming. My boss asked me if I could work a later shift today. I told her yes before even considering what it meant. It meant a morning to myself. After I agreed, the numbers hit me. The kids would leave for school and I would have two and a half hours all alone. That's 150 minutes with no fighting or food fixing or remote finding. Just me and the dog and whatever I chose to do. Oh. My. What to do? I could deep clean the kitchen (that fridge!). I could fold clothes. (hahahahahaha!) There's some crafts I've been wanting to get to and I could paint without little fingers wanting to help. I. Could. Sleep. The possibilities were almost endless. But, in the end there's only one thing I wanted that is so much easier without all those distractions I love so much. I could write. And, so I am. I'm writing here. (Does this mean a return ...