It's my Body and I'll Cry if I Want To

Do you know who Heidi Klum is? I've debated about putting her picture on here. I looked for one, but she's not dressed in most of them. Holy Crap! There's a reason right there for having parental controls on your computer. Just google her name-whoa! Anyway, I really want to hate her. She's had several kids and is still a supermodel. She even did a Victoria's Secret runway show just a few weeks after giving birth. Seriously. When I'm resurrected, I want her body. I know it doesn't work that way, but a girl can dream.
I had a conversation with one of my sisters about bodies last week. We were talking about boob jobs. More specifically, how we both want boob jobs. Basically, we were commiserating about our bodies and how nice it'd be to be able to afford plastic surgery. I was reminiscing about a time when I was firm and more perky. (This was a looong time ago.) Then, we got on the subject of tummy tucks- again, something we'd both like to have if the prize patrol ever comes knocking on our door with a big old check. This was a fun conversation, we were bonding, you know, girl talk.
Then, I said something about also wanting a thigh tuck. Well, you'd think I turned into Jerry Seinfeld. My sister started to laugh. "A thigh tuck?" she asked. "Yes, they do that." She continued to laugh at me as I tried to explain. "When you lose weight, sometimes you get lose skin." Well, you wouldn't believe how funny she thought this was. "I'd also like an arm tuck."
Ok, now, she is doubled over on the seat. "You know, so I don't have that stupid Relief Society wave." Good thing she wasn't driving, we'd have crashed for sure. She's laughing so hard, I think she might be crying. "You're making this up," she tells me.
OH! "This is serious. They really do these things. I've seen it on the internet!" So glad that I could provide you with some entertainment. Humph!
Honestly, I understand that our bodies have limitations. And, when we don't take care of them, there are consequences. But, really, if you're willing to go through a multitude of pregnancies, gain a ton of weight, get stretch marks, have your feet swell to the size of soccer balls, all to bring down precious spirits to earth, don't you think we could be rewarded? I mean, maybe instead of having our skin lose all its elasticity, maybe it could get more. And, rather than have your boobs lose all resemblance of, well, boobs, they could get better looking. More women would want to have more children if that were the case. Get pregnant, have a kid and look better afterwards. Now, there's a concept. It seemed to work for Heidi Klum.
What? You have your child and that's the reward? Yeah, yeah, I know. Then they grow up to be teenagers and your bodies shot. Yippee.


  1. Once again, I'm totally laughing out loud! That was really funny, and a blast to be with you! Just so you know, I think you're beautiful!

  2. I'm with u on getting a reward or something FOR SURE!!! laughing too!! u are one hilarious women!!! I too am waiting for the prize patrol

  3. Maybe if we all go in for boob jobs together we'll get a family discount!

  4. Ha ha ha! Loved this post! I've said it before, I'm a tummy tuck implant butt girl!!


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