Monday, April 30, 2012

Z is for Zodiac


What's your sign?

I've never been big on my horoscope or the zodiac.  I always felt they were fairly general, that they could apply to anyone.  Since I needed a Z post, I thought I'd write some of my own.

Taurus-  (Apr. 20-May 20)- Some would tell you the sign of the bull is strength. nah. It's stubbornness.  Always have to have your way. Sheesh. Let someone else be right now and then.

Gemini- (May 21-June20)- Twins! Are you a twin? No? Well that means you probably absorbed your twin in utero. You do best having someone with you at all times. You hate being alone. Multiple personalities are very common with these Gemini's. Probably your weird absorbed twin trying to get out.

Cancer- (June 21-July22)- Your sign is a crab. Fitting, yes? Remember how crabby you got just yesterday? Try to smile more. Reign in those pinchers.

Leo- (July 23-Aug. 22)- Ooh, you're a lion. Think you're cool, huh? If you're a female, good for you. It's the female lions who rule. They also hunt and bear the children. The males are lazy. Don't marry a Leo.  You already did? So sorry.

Virgo- (Aug. 23- Sept. 22)- Ah, the virgin. You're very service oriented. And pure, apparently. Well, scoot your pure butt into the kitchen and make me some brownies. Service, remember?


Libra- (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)- Libras are the angels of the universe. We They are the scales, bringing balance to all the world.  They are also very just and fair. Don't thank us them. They already know.

Scorpio- (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)- The scorpion is considered the 'most powerful' sign. ooooooh. Scorpions are dangerous. Try being a bit nicer. Don't hide in corners or try to sting others.  We don't like that. Then you might have more friends.

Sagittarius- (Nov.22- Dec.21)- Did you love the Hunger Games? Not surprising for the archer. Maybe take some lessons. Knowing how to shoot a bow and arrow could make you very popular. Or, change your name to Katniss.

Capricorn- (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)- The goat. hehehe. You're very strong. baaaa. hehe. Sorry.  You tend to get in confrontations. Try not to butt heads so much. hehe. Be more like the Libras.

Aquarius- (Jan. 20- Feb. 18)- Are you pregnant? You're the water bearer, so I was just thinking. That's when I had the most water. If you're feet are swollen, try a diuretic, maybe put them up.  Your sign is considered the 'trendsetter' so be careful what you wear. Others will follow. If you could start wearing stirrup pants, I'd appreciate it.

Pisces- (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)- Nemo! Your sign is the fish. That's pretty cool. Depending on what fish you are. You have a choice. You can be the beautiful angel fish, or a bottom feeder. Choose wisely.

Aries- (Mar. 21- Apr. 19)- The ram is considered very outgoing and adventurous. You like travel and going places. Perhaps you should consider staying home once in a while. The wife and kids would probably appreciate it.


And, that's it. A to Z. Finish. Done. The end. Now, we'll go back to our normally scheduled randomness.

15 comments:

  1. I like reading the horoscopes in the paper, but yours are better! Good thing I'm a female Leo, or I'd be offended :-)

    Congratulations on finishing the challenge.

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    1. I'm glad, I didn't mean to offend anyone. :)

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  2. Wow, you're good! I'm a gemini, and I DO have multiple personalities!!! And, yea! we finished the month!!

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    1. Really, Sybil? I'd never guess.
      (I'm glad the month is over. Your posts made me hungry.)

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  3. Wow! Horoscope has finally made sense...so concise and simple your way! I'm a Capricorn but I will try hard to emulate the Libra (aka Jules) attributes! :D Love it!

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    1. Well, we never butted heads, that's for sure.

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  4. This is hilarious. I am a Scorpio. We're not mean, just intense.
    I love your Aquarius!

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    1. I can't imagine you ever stinging anyone.
      Do you have stirrup pants? Maybe if we both started wearing them, they'd catch on.

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  5. They were great to read. The only problem with horoscopes is that I get addicted and go back every day to see what else is said...I wonder what tomorrow will bring;-)

    But sorry, I don't have any stirruped pants, so I can't help you out there!

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    1. Dang! Gotta find someone with stirrup pants.

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  6. That's pretty funny! Thanks! I needed a laugh today.

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  7. Lady Leo here--though I've never read a Leo description that really rings true to my particularly personality, though this one came close. These were hilarious. Congratulations on making it to the end of the alphabet.

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