Motherhood is My Saving Grace

Motherhood is hard. No one told me this, or if they did, I couldn’t hear it.  From a very young age, like 5, it’s all I ever wanted to be.  

I had baby dolls and played house almost exclusively.  Even when girls my age were spreading their wings and flirting with new pastimes,I hung on to my babies.  I dreamed of the day that I would finally claim the coveted title of mother.

As adulthood dawned, I saw others who had a plan for their life.  College and careers and lofty goals.  I floundered and wandered from one job to another, taking classes without any focus.  I watched my friends get married and start families, all the while my womb sat empty.  My prince was taking his time and I was impatient.  By the world’s standards, I was young. But compared to my peers, and in my heart, time was ticking.  When he finally made his way into my life, I didn’t pause.  Within three months of getting married, I was pregnant. 

Pregnancy was bliss. Aside from the morning sickness and the shock of my ever-changing body, I couldn’t have been happier.  I cherished every kick and shift from inside.  My first was born on a snowy afternoon after twenty-four hours of the sweetest work I’d ever done. They placed him in my arms and I knew I had become what I was meant to be.

What I didn’t know was that the next twenty years would bring not only seven children, but more stretching and growing than I knew was possible.  It seemed that God had plans for me and He needed to do some retrofitting.  Motherhood changed me each and every time that I started again.  These precious spirits came with their own set of joys and challenges.  My heart was filled, but my spirit was continually tugged and pulled at. 

There are many things that I don’t do well.  I still don’t have what the world would consider a career.  Mistakes?  I’ve made them.  But, I have these people that my body created.  I have shaped their minds and guided their souls. I know that, spiritually, they are leaps and bounds beyond what I can be. I’m sure their spirits are much more mature than mine. Yet, for whatever reason, they came to me. I cherish that trust.

Motherhood is my saving grace.  I’m not a perfect mother, but of all the things I do, this is the one I do best.  At the end of the day, my children are loved.  I tuck them safely in and kneel in gratitude for each of them.  Grateful for the ways that they have caused my growth.  For the insistent pressure to do more, be more, for them.  I am not a business woman, a scholar, or a famous anything. I am a Mother.

Mother's Day 2012

Happy Mother's Day