Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Illusive Peace



Her house is stifling.  The fan above her clicks a rhythm and she lays as still as she can, hoping for relief.

She pushes herself up, forcing movement that reverberates in her head. Walking through the rooms, she checks windows, praying for the breath of a breeze.

She loves this house. Here she nursed and nurtured her babies.  The walls show signs of life-- fingerprints and smudges.  Smiling faces, captured and framed, adorn the walls.

But, the walls are closing in and she retreats to the sanctuary of her room.  The thoughts are pressing, intensifying the pain in her head.  She tries with all her might to force them out. You're not welcome here. Still, they come. Persistent, they are. The fan beats in time with the judgements- 'not e-nough, not e-nough, not e-nough'.
 
She puts out the welcome mat, hoping for sleep.  Instead, she cries, curled into herself.

But, the day is like any other, demanding, not to be ignored.  Amazing how you can function when you're dying inside. Laundry, cleaning, errands, dinner. The demands, which she normally breezes through, are draining.

Finally, evening comes and quiet rules.  She retreats to the shower, her one solitary place.  The water is an insulator, covering the sound of her sobs. She hopes that no one hears.  The water runs over her, washing, cleansing, purging.  Time loses meaning and she sits in the spray until the water runs colder than her tears.

Back to her bed, cooler now.  She prays again for sleep. And peace. She drifts off to the sound of the fan clicking above her.



{This was written for GBE 2: Blog On's prompt for this week- "Peace"}

27 comments:

  1. I didn't get head aches until menopause....I appreciate you pain! Very nicely done.

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    1. Well, I'm not quite to menopause, but I feel it lurking around the corner.

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  2. Sounds like a migraine to me. I get those all the time now too. Loved your little story, because it reflected exactly what it is like!!

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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  3. "She prays again for sleep. And peace. She drifts off to the sound of the fan clicking above her."
    I literally let out a breath and relaxed in my chair.
    Wonderfully gripping, Jewels. (:

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  4. This is really good, and while she obviously has a headache, I get the feeling the headache is secondary to what's going on. Maybe it's because I dealt with the death of a loved one recently, but I get the sense that she's in mourning, and is feeling a certain sadness for things past.

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  5. I also felt more than the migraine. I felt her own death coming. Knowing and unable to stop it.
    Beautifully written. I don't think I took a breath until the end. I have felt such pain, as most of us have, but the underlying loss is very evident to me.

    Nice.

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    Replies
    1. Loss and pain are a universal truth that binds us all together.

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  6. I'm slow, I thought she was lonely and depressed, but I felt the emotion.

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  7. "Illusive" instead of "elusive." I'm intrigued. There's something more going on here....

    Do go on.

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  8. I like stories which leave you wondering. Sories that leave a lot unsaid. Beautiful.

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    1. Glad you don't mind being left hanging.

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  9. Sometimes the only peace and relief we get comes with sleep. But it is not the pain she needs relief from, that peace will only come with a reminder that she is 'e-nough' she is more than enough, she is someones all, someones hero for carrying out chores even when in pain!

    Beautifully written!

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    Replies
    1. That's a reminder we all need, isn't it?

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    2. Consider yourself reminded then!!!

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  10. DANG...talk about DEPRESSION....and drawing us right into the middle of it..gosh i HEARD that FAN....felt that stifling air of smothering thoughts...even the shower...but could never quite put the shower on cold..don't know why....would rather have it HOTTER then stepping out of the shower you could "feel" cool.. :0)

    Yup you TOTALLY drew me in....and it felt like death to me...like she wouldn't pull out of it..or would finally "die" and let go of her past...and go to a place where there was A/C!! dang ((hugs))

    this writing was awesome...

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    1. Thanks. Death and sleep--both an escape, though the one is much more permanent.

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  11. So sad. This piece felt...heavy. I'm not usually a big fan of 3rd person present, but it really worked well in this case. And I LOVE the way that you bookended this piece with the fan. Well done!

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  12. Beautifully done, Jewels. As with several other commenters, it hit kind of close to home here, too.

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    Replies
    1. I wish it wasn't something we all go through, but it seem that it is.

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  13. I felt the pain, the sorrow ... great writing

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