I've been resisting it for years. Years. But, now that all my kids are in school, the reality has hit.
I have to go to work.
Problem is, I've been a stay at home mom for most of the past 20 years. With the exception of a few part-time jobs along the way, my skill set is firmly rooted in children and home. Doesn't make for a very compelling resume. Too bad my talents aren't worth more outside the walls of our house. If so, I'd be set.
Here's a list of a few of my skills-
- Diaper Changer- I can clean any diaper mess with a total of two wipes. (With the exception of the 'running down the legs' kind. That one requires a tub.)
- Nail Clipper- I have been clipping a total of 70 fingernails and 70 toenails for years. I've never cut anything but the nail. Maybe once. Don't ask Adam. It brings back too many memories.
- Laundry Aid- this one could actually be marketable. If they don't mind the clean clothes being left in a basket for days.
- Dishwasher Loader- seriously, I should get paid for this. I'm the only one who does it right. (Cups on the top rack, people.)
- Vomit Cleaner-Upper- admittedly, this is one of my least favorite skills, but one I'm pretty proficient at. We learned early on that you don't ever vacuum afterward, even if it seems dry. Unless you want an excuse to buy a new vacuum.
- Referee- again, a marketable skill. Put me in with those NBA divas. I'll keep those elbows from flying. "Don't look at me like that Lebron. You know what you did. Oh, yeah? No Wii for you for a week." They'd listen.
- Non-distracted Driver- I have driven long distances in a car full of children, while they fought, and screamed and demanded snacks. I have held the steering wheel with one hand while doing a plethora of things with the other, including- holding a bottle, wiping a nose, comforting a bawling baby and threatening (you know,the wagging finger.)
- Breastfeeding Champion- thing is, there are probably places that would pay for this skill, but, eww.