Friday, November 23, 2012

Turkey Awards

tur-key
       slang- a person or thing of little appeal; dud; loser

In honor of Thanksgiving, and our 'almost' national bird, today I am handing out my
First  Annual 'frazzled & frumpy' Turkey Awards. 
 (I'm sure you all can't wait to find out what's bugging me today.) 



#4- The Mechanical Graveyard.
That would be my house. If it runs on some kind of power, then it comes here to die. Just when the Handy Man got my car working, the dryer quit. My living room is now a makeshift clothesline. If I ever wanted to be a pioneer this has squashed that desire. I should put up little headstones in my yard for each of the appliances/techno-gadgets/cars that have perished here. It'd be great for Halloween.

#3-The Calorie Police.
I do not need anyone telling me what, or how much, to eat on Thanksgiving. Okay, maybe my entire day's consumption will equal 4500 calories.  It isn't like I eat that way everyday. So, quit telling me that I can have a golf ball size serving of gravy. That won't even begin to cover my bowling-ball-mound of potatoes.

#2-Hostess.  
Not because I may never have Ding Dongs again. (I'm sure that we, as a nation, can do without those high calorie snack cakes.) No, this company gets a Turkey for all the people who are losing their jobs- 18,000 of them- and just in time for Christmas. Psst...your wattle is showing.


#1-Black Friday Campers.  
Not the shoppers. I've been known to go out into the early morning cold to find a deal. (I also may or may not be known to use some serious football-type blocking to keep out those who cut in line.)  This Turkey goes to those who set up tents and camped out for days, nay, weeks, just for a good deal.  Did these people consider that if they'd gone to work for those days, they could have earned more money than they would save on their shopping spree? Congrats. Gobble gobble.

(Honorable Mention goes to those shoppers who got into fights, and, especially the one who pulled a gun, during the Black Friday melee today.  True Butterballs.)

5 comments:

  1. Jewels, this is charmingly grouchy. Please allow me add my voice to yours here. It's amusing how a little well-deserved award can bring such triptophan-inspired glee.

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  2. Ha ha! I love this blog. Can't wait to see you on Saturday!

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  3. Sorry about your graveyard. We've got lots of bodies hiding around here, too.

    I did snag 4 Pillow Pets for $30 online. I gave up going out after Thanksgiving the first time I saw someone pull a knife.

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  4. I can identify a little too well with the clothesline in the living room situation--our gas dryer is turning but not heating or not heating ENOUGH. My husband can probably fix it but is afraid to take it apart unless we've got a back-up plan. The back-up plan is finally in sight. But I'm sure once the dryer situation is rectified, something else will crap out on us.

    As for Black Friday--I'm a Grinch about all of it. It's lunacy. It used to be a civilized tradition to go wander the stores the day after Thanksgiving, but it's become a competitive sport. Craziness.

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  5. I can relate to not wanting to be a pioneer. I am seriously considering getting a dishwasher!!!!

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