I'm in a thoughtful mood today. There is so much busy-ness in my life right now. A wedding in just 18 days. A son who will be going on a mission soon. Children in school. The Handy Man at work, always at work.
And me.
I sometimes wonder where I fit in to all of it. I am the mother, the referee, the taxi driver, the cook and maid. But, it feels as though there should be more. I should be more.
And, so...
I write.
It has been a week of serious writing. Thanks to my amazing Writing Group I have written pages and pages. My story has evolved and developed in surprising ways. I have found that I am happiest when I am 'doing'. That is my challenge. To focus and do.
Do you have a passion? Something you cannot live without? I have many. My family always comes first. But, lately, my words are my passion. I love the way they string together and paint images in my mind. Words are very real miracles. They can make us laugh or cry, bring us comfort or cause true pain.
Today, I am creating with my words. I am building a world, a family, a tragedy, a resolution. I fill their lives with love and conflict, and sit back to watch how they grow. Like my children, they surprise me, make me cry, and make me smile.
I am grateful for words. That in the midst of all the chaos of my life, I can sit and create. They make me feel powerful and just a bit magical.
(And, just for fun, some pictures from our family get-together last night. Taken by Max.)
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| Adorable Jocelyn. |
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| My niece, Amanda, and Jacob. |
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| Jerry (brother-in-law) and Spencer |
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| My good-looking brother, Mitch. |
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| Self-portrait. |
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| The Handy Man and me. |
I love your words! And no more insecurity - your role in the world is enormous - you have no idea!
ReplyDeleteI was mostly referring to my almost daily wonderings of how I can contribute financially. It's a never-ending cycle of mine. (But, thanks for the vote of confidence! You always make me feel better!)
DeleteYou really need to finish creating the second half of your book because I am dying to read it!
ReplyDeleteMy goal is to have it finished this month,so stay tuned!
DeleteYAY! Writing binge! I'm so excited for Writing Group this month and we're all so lucky that you're a part of it!
ReplyDeleteI hope the wedding planning is going well and that everything is brilliant and beautiful on the day. As always, let me know if there's anything I can do!
We're going to have to send our stuff early so we'll have time to read it all. Then, I might just spend all my convalescing time (after the wedding) reading in bed.
DeleteI've been in a grumpy slump this last week, and I got to wondering (up to my elbows in laundry), "What is this all for? Why do we do this struggle-thing?"...and it went on.
ReplyDeleteThis post answers to my inner-struggle so I'm uber glad you wrote it. All I could come up with in my journal is that even though I don't understand why I'm slugging through the writing process for whatever unsaid reason, I feel like life is a lot harder when I'm not slugging away at writing.
If any of that made sense? Obviously I've misplaced my writing hat. You say it all much more gracefully, and I love that.
It's funny, because writing takes more time, but it really does make the 'rest of it' more meaningful. I'm glad you feel that way, too.
DeleteIsn't it strange how mothers are always the ones left wondering where they fit in? Should they be doing more? What is my purpose? I wonder if men think these thoughts!?
ReplyDeleteI have my 'wondering' days, and then I have my days when I feel like I know the answer........then a few days later I go back to wondering.
That is what I love about blogging. Reading that others feel it too.
Keep writing!
And I love your family time portraits. :)
I'm guessing men do think like that, they just don't talk about it much. My husband told me once (during a difficult time) that he felt like he was just a paycheck. We all struggle with those thoughts.
DeleteIt DOES help to read that others are going through it!
I officially need to move and join your writing group!! I get so busy doing things for the family and work and....and.... I struggle to see who me is through all the titles 'mother' 'wife' 'librarian' I guess that is what writing gives me, a chance to explore who I am and do something just for me. I hadn't realised how selfish that sounds but hey ho.
ReplyDeleteI am glad I have made the effort to catch up reading your blog, my writing has been laxed of late and you have made me realise I just have to do and I will feel better, you have made me remember why I write...Thank you!!
I'm with Sleepy Joe...I could definitely use a writing group to help keep me focused on stuff. Even now that all of my children are more or less independent, it seems like my days are full of work, favors for other people and recovering from the first, too. I'm really trying to put my writing at least a little higher on my priorities list now and definitely feel like a little "accountability" might help.
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