Manic Monday- My Dating Advice

The Handy Man took me out for dinner on Saturday. Cafe Rio- my favorite. We went a bit late, and I expected the line to be short. Ha. But, if you've ever had Cafe Rio, you'd know, it's worth the wait. (If you haven't had Cafe Rio, and they're in your city- What are you waiting for? I recommend the grilled chicken salad with the house dressing. I could drink the house dressing. But, I don't, because they have diet Coke.)

Anywho, we were standing in line right behind another couple. I nudged the Handy Man, "Married or dating?"
He squinted at them. "He's talking awfully loud."
I nodded, "I know. And look at her. Smiling VERY big and laughing at everything he says."
We agreed.
Dating.

After we got our food, we ended up at a table next to this couple. Because the gentleman was so loud, I was able, without much effort, to hear pretty much their entire conversation. I wanted very badly to walk over and give both of them some dating advice. But, because it would have horrified my husband, and because he was buying me dinner, I restrained myself.

Till now.

Now, I will give you my top five dating tips. As a woman who used to date, and one who managed to snag the most wonderful guy alive, I believe I'm qualified.

Jewels Dating Tips for the Young and Restless (or the not-so-young and desperate)-

1- Don't spend the entire evening talking about yourself. I know. You think you're wonderful. Maybe you're right. But, your date might be wonderful, too. Only, you'll never find out because she can't get a word in.
How do you know if you're talking about yourself too much? Here's a clue- if you're date is done with her dinner and your plate is still full- you're talking too much.  Or, if you notice her cheeks are sort of paralyzed in a smile and she can't seem to relax her face? Yep. You. Talk. Too. Much.
Hey, you're pretty lucky that this girl agreed to go out with you. She probably has some great qualities. So, shut up for a minute. Ask her about herself. Then, listen. Take mental notes. Nod your head. Smile.

2- Eat like a human. I'm not just talking about using a fork instead of your hands. I'm talking about not eating like a cow. Need it more clear? Close. Your. Mouth. No one wants to see what you're eating after it goes in your mouth. And, no one wants to hear you chew. If you think this doesn't matter, ask yourself- does he want to spend his life with me if he cringes every time I take a bite? Probably not.

3- Hygeine people. Shower before your date. Use deoderant. Brush your teeth. Got a big ole white zit on your face? Get rid of it. Clip your nails. Clean your nails. And, bring gum. (Also, perfume/cologne is a great idea, just don't go overboard. Ten sprays? Too much. Two, maybe three. After you put on your fragrance, walk past your roommate or mom, if she's gagging or passed out, you went overboard. Go shower and start again.)

4- I know we already addressed the talking thing, but this one needs its own number. Do not, under any circumstance, bring up your past girlfriend/boyfriend/spouse/crush.  Your current date doesn't want to hear about your 'really great girlfriend'. She doesn't want to know how heartbroken you were when she dumped you. Don't ever, ever, ever say the words, "Well, when my ex took me out we used to..." I will cut your tongue out of your mouth. No one wants to hear how much you miss your ex. They don't even want to know how lousy your ex might be. Don't bring it up. Maybe after a few dates, you can talk about your heartbreak, or your baggage. Maybe.

5- Be polite. Guys, open doors, pull out chairs. Try not to burp loudly (this goes for girls, too.) Say please and thank you. Don't be disgusting- no nose picking/spitting/ear cleaning/scratching. And, if you brought the gum I told you to bring, refer back to #2- chew it with your mouth closed.  When the date ends, thank your date. If he paid, thank him for that.

6- I know I said five, but I realized I missed one. Cell phones. Just one rule. Turn. It. Off. Don't text, make calls, or take them. Your date could end up as your mate, which means he's the most important person right now. Give him all of your attention. You can text your friends about it later.

That's it. I'm not giving you advice about kissing at the end of the date. For that, you're on your own.

**

When we finished our dinner on Saturday, I kissed the Handy Man and thanked him. For the dinner, and also, for marrying me and sticking with me so I don't ever have to go back to dating again.

P.S. If you're past the dating scene, you might want to check out my marital advice.

(I was not paid for my opinions of Cafe Rio. But, if they want to send me a free meal card, I won't complain.)

At Zion's National Park- one of my favorite dates.