On Becoming a Famous Inventor

I was sitting yesterday, eating my Shredded Wheat and watching GMA.  I was waiting to hear about the twelve year-old who found a 5 carat diamond at a state park, (so I can plan my next vacation), when I saw a story about the Hyperloop.

(Elon Musk/Tesla Motors/SpaceX)

If you haven't heard, the Hyperloop is going to be a *super-duper-fast mode of transportation. Basically, you climb into an over sized bank tube and it shoots you across the country. The inventor, Elon Musk looks kind of like a movie star, not a leading man, but the guy who is friends with the leading man. (Plus, he has a Hollywood name- Elon Musk. Really?)
When he was explaining his idea, he said the Hyperloop would be a combination of a Concorde, a rail gun and an air hockey table.

Is it just me, or did he just name off three really random things? Is that what you can do when you're super-smart and uber-successful? Then, after all the hype and talk about his idea, he says, "But, I'm not going to make it. I'm way too busy with the other super-scientific stuff I make, and spending all my millions of dollars."**

Sheesh. I want that job. I want to come up with random ideas that everyone thinks are great, go on TV and show how amazing I am, then leave it up to someone else to make. I could totally do that.

Like, how about a Hyperdiaper? A combination of a diaper, wipes and a vacuum. The contraption would simply suck up all the waste and transport it in a tube into the garbage. No more diaper changing. Mothers the world over would love me.

Or, a Hyperdresser. A combination of a straight jacket, clothing, and a scream-muffler. It would get your kids dressed for church on Sunday in two minutes flat, then shoot them into the van. No whining, or rolling around on the floor yelling, "I hate church. It's boring."

Who wouldn't want a Hyperhairstyler? A combination of shampoo, straightener and a juke box. Stick your head in and it styles your hair while you listen to your favorite tunes. Wait. That sounds kind of like something Judy Jetson had. Maybe my ideas aren't all that original after all.

Yep, totally need one.

No matter. If I was on TV, I'd just stumble over my words or say something really embarrassing. Or fart. Better for me to stay anonymous here at home and just dream of the grand inventions and  the millions I could be spending.***

*This is my own description, including the very non-scientific word 'super-duper'.
**Those aren't his actual words. He probably never says 'super-scientific', but he probably thinks it.
***Publishers Clearing House in two weeks, baby! Fingers crossed!


  1. You should totally go on TV and tell everyone you've invented that stuff, then wave your hand airily and tell us you don't have time to actually do it, so it's an "open source" invention. That way you still get credit and everyone realizes you're just too awesome to do the grunt work.


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