Thursday, October 3, 2013

*shudder*

A couple nights ago, my husband was in the bathroom and I heard a weird sound. (Not THAT kind of sound. Gross.) Then, he said, "Come see the spider that was on my neck."

Do I have to explain how many things are wrong about that sentence?

I went in, and, sure enough, there was an eight-legged monstrosity climbing around in the sink. (Maybe monstrosity is exaggerating. But, she was creepy.  If she had a name it would be Desdemona, which means 'of the devil'.) *shudder* Then, the Handy Man said, "I think it bit my neck."

I looked. Yep, two red welts just below his hairline.

Hey! I'm the only one allowed to bite his neck!

"I wonder where it came from?" the Handy Man said.

"Probably the garage."   Lots of spiders there. I think they're attracted to my minivan. Can't blame them, it is all kinds of awesomeness.  They probably all get together and just look at it.

"Probably."

I said farewell to Desdemona as she met a watery grave.

I think I shuddered about 17 times after that.

This morning, after taking the Handy Man to work I sat on my bed to watch GMA.  I thought I felt something on my neck. It's been a few days and I'm feeling less squeamish, so I casually brushed it.  I continue to watch Lara and Josh banter about Pop News. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see movement and look down.

Spider. On. My. Chest.

I squealed. I brushed furiously at my t-shirt. I jumped up. Tore off my sweater and threw it to the ground. I shook my hair.  Then, I did a self-pat-down that would make any policeman proud.  I scanned the bed, and then I saw it. Small and black and fuzzy. I'm pretty sure I know what was going through his mind-
"Yes! I am camouflaged by this black and white quilt. She'll never see me now."

He forgot that my blanket doesn't move.

His next thought probably went along the lines of, "Is this spider heaven? Desdemona, is that you?"

*shudder*

14 comments:

  1. I have NO idea why (maybe because of the previously mentioned overnight shift that I am currently on--meaning functioning on no sleep), but at this moment, I'm pretty sure I NEED a "Desdemona, is that you?" T-shirt even though (or maybe because) almost no one would get the joke.
    Semi-pointless aside: Mr. High School, about whom I have written at ridiculous length on my blog, and I had a mutual friend whose spoiled little sister was named Demona. Everyone called her Demona de Monster.

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    1. I would totally buy that shirt!

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    2. We need to start a line of those t-shirts!!! Available in the UK too ;-)

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    3. Yes on the t-shirts! With a picture of a nasty spider on it!

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  2. I'd buy that t-shirt! This was truly shudder worthy. We've had a run of monster spiders running around our house, but thankfully, they've stayed off our persons!

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    1. This was my first experience with one ON me. I don't want to repeat it.

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  3. Yes! T-shirts! Spiders are gross. My house is so old and drafty I've gotten used to them. If they're too high for me to reach they get a pass. If I'm sitting and don't feel like getting up they get a pass. I'm lazy.

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    1. Depends on the size. I little one on the ceiling is ok, a big one? Nope, I get the broom. Or my husband if he's home.

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  4. We are in the height of "spider season" around here and it's just ridiculous. I'm not particularly afraid of spiders, but I would prefer they not drop onto my face while I'm sleeping. On that note, my daughter told me that the average person swallows 6 spiders a year while they are sleeping. Desdemona is a perfect name for a spider - elegant, yet demonic.

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    1. I've heard that statistic about eating spiders. I prefer to pretend it isn't true. blech.

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  5. I did hear once that spiders can actually survive being washed down the plug hole.....*shudder*

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  6. Oh. My. Freaking. Word. XANAX. I'd need XANAX. And then I'd ask to move.

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