There was a moment when I was a very young mother. I was sitting on our long couch, my newborn son in my arms as my oldest toddled over my legs, begging for the attention he’d so recently lost. As I sat there, I got a flash, a picture, a vision perhaps. It was of me surrounded by boys. This knowledge didn’t upset me, on the contrary it was comforting. I saw what my future held and knew that this is what I would do.
Eighteen months later, I lay on a bed in the doctor’s office, a paper sheet crinkling with each movement of my rapidly growing body. The room was dim and the tech moved her magic wand over my slick and slimy belly. She pointed out fingers and toes and I watched the little heart as it fluttered. “Do you want to know the sex?” she asked. Sure, though I thought I already knew. Then she said the words that would change my life in so many ways.
“It’s a girl.”
Four months after that, we were in another sterile room. The whump-whump coming from the monitors was a comforting lullaby as I waited for her to make her way into our lives. She was born easily, all 10 pounds 11 ounces of her. She barely cried as the nurse lifted her into my arms. Thick black hair and bright blue eyes, she simply stared at me. And my heart melted. We gave her my grandmother’s name, one that was old-fashioned, delicate and in this day, unique. Sadie.
There was another moment where I sat in a rocking chair. My new daughter in my arms and two little boys taking a rare break from their running room to room. It was a quiet moment with her tiny head tucked beneath my chin. I closed my eyes and an idea flowed into my mind. A thought that she and I had ties that stretched beyond this life to the one we lived before. There we were sisters and friends. Though in that existence, she was the older one, much more mature than me. For whatever reason, she came here as my daughter.
What an incredible trust. As I cried grateful tears, I swore I would try to live up to it.
It seems my first vision was not just for me. Sadie and I are both surrounded by boys. She has six brothers. I worried so much about her not having a sister. But, she has thrived in her life among the stinky and the loud. She is most definitely feminine, but easily holds her own.
Today, she turns sixteen. She is lovely, she is kind. She is thoughtful and careful. She has a testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ. She tells us she loves us and isn't afraid to show it. People are drawn to her and her goodness.
She is the light in my life. She is my daughter, my heavenly gift.