Manic Monday- Don't Trust Internet Doctors

Noah has been sick for four days. Fever. Stomach stuff. Lethargic. Won't eat.

Now, I'm not one of those paranoid moms who rush their kids to the ER for every cough and sniffle. I think I'm pretty level-headed.

Until you add in the internet.

This morning, Noah was on my bed watching Word World. I was being a really good mom and reading blogs. I looked over and he was sort of curled up.

"My tummy hurts."

I could see he meant it. Since I was on the internet anyway, I decided to get a little free medical advice. How could the internet be wrong?  I found my way to webmd and their symptom checker. After putting in his age and gender, I got down to business.

Please check the following symptoms-

Severe stomach pain-- check!

Then a question-

Is your child's abdomen swollen or hard (rigid) to the touch?

Hmm. I got up, made Noah lay flat and pulled up his pj shirt. Oh, yeah. His stomach was rock hard, like he was trying to imitate Matthew McConaughey. We're talking six-pack, baby.

So, back to my trusty internet-doctor. I checked the YES after rigid stomach. Then I was greeted with this-

**Call your health professional immediately!

You have answered 'Yes' to a question that indicates you may need immediate care. Call your health professional now to discuss your symptoms and arrange for your care.
   *Symptoms are likely to worsen without medical care.

Then, paranoid parent took over. I reached over and touched his stomach again. *moan* 

My son is going to die!

This led to an hour of phone calls to various people I know. Luckily for me (not so much for them) we have a friend who is a family physician. I called his wife, who called him, and he said, "Bring him in." 

Then, my karma kicked in. About 30 seconds after my friend said she'd come get me, Noah started acting better. By the time we got in to see the doctor, he was laughing and asking for a sucker. The doctor kindly looked at Noah, checked everything, and sent me home with instructions on the BRAT diet and lots of liquids. 

They should start a new website called, CalmYourselfGirl. This one would tell you to take a breath, give it five minutes.  Or, wait till you've finished a 44 oz.  diet Coke before you rush in to the doctor. Chances are, by then your kid will have passed whatever is causing the problem.  And you won't have to put on a bra or eyeliner.


  1. So true - and for sure don't look up rashes!

  2. That only works IF you decide to take them to the doctor. Otherwise, they appear to worsen until you become paranoid and sure you are guilty of criminal neglect. At some point, the co-pay becomes worth it. But only barely.

  3. Amen - I saw a picture on facebook similar to this, something about,"better call the doctor, it could be nothing, but it's probably cancer." Love the looks from the doctor that you know mean what the heck are you bringing them in for, they look just fine to me. Ugh! Kids!

  4. So good to meet you! Love your writing. Funny! I'm still chuckling:).

  5. Oh WebMD is the devil! I asked my daughter to check a symptom that I was having on WebMD for me (she was already online) and she immediately called back (before even checking), "It's cancer."

    Thanks, Internet!

  6. My neighbor's son must have had the same bug. She took him to urgent care and by the time they actually saw a doctor he was fine. Glad Noah is ok!

  7. Ah, diagnosis by Dr.'s amazing he hasn't been sued for malpractice. ;) Glad it turned out okay.


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