frazzled & frumpy

It's here! All Hallow's Eve, also known as 'Day of Free Sugar' in my house.  I swear, my kids look forward to this day almost as much as Christmas. Noah has been counting down since September 1st. Personally, I like Halloween.  I have great memories of trick-or-treating in the dark, behind a plastic, flammable mask.  The Handy Man hates today. Hates. It. (You can read about that here .)  Whatever. I'm not about to deny my children free candy.  It's also a good day to teach about sharing. With me. I'm not much into costumes, though. I have a hard time spending $20 on something they'll wear one day. (OK, Noah would wear his for weeks if I let him, but still.)  So, we usually go with something homemade, with lots of makeup added in. Tonight, we'll have a legion of zombies- so easy, rip up a shirt, put on some facial gore, and you're good to go. But, there are some costumes that would be more appropriate. Noah - The kid loves school. It...

I have this notebook I found. The first three pages are filled with handwritten words, the beginning of a story. A young girl is distressed as she watches her mother go into labor. The girl feels the pain of the contractions, sees the white-hot light that blurs her mother's vision.  As her father takes his laboring wife away, Grandmother comforts the little girl, trying to explain her gift.  I don't remember when I wrote these pages. Worse yet, I have no idea where the story goes from there. I wrote it then left it to rot and spoil, to become a snippet of an idea, never able to grow or flourish. This is how I wrote for many years. Sporadically, randomly. A poem here, a story there. I had no focus or structure. Admittedly, not having a computer or typewriter was a huge stumbling block. How all those authors wrote entire novels with a pen is beyond me. My carpal tunnel would never allow it. My first book took me two years to write. I would work on it for a day or two, ...

My girls. This picture has nothing to do with this post, it just makes me happy. "Discouragement is like a baby. The more you feed it, the bigger it grows." This is the first of two thoughts that have been mulling in my mind.  Let me tell you, I've been force feeding that baby for the last few days.  I've sort of reveled in my depression, holding tight to it, using it as an excuse for letting the laundry pile up and ignoring people.  While my situation hasn't really improved, I've decided I need to 'snap out of it' and get on with living. One of the reasons for my decision is the second thought that my brain has been tossing around. It's one that I heard years ago at an Education Week seminar.  It was given by Richard and Linda Eyre , two very knowledgeable and wise teachers.  They said that when something bad happens, or we feel depressed, we go on a downward spiral, and that we have to reach the bottom of that spiral before we can start ...

Just so you don't think I'm wallowing in self-pity, I'll tell you- there are good things in my life. My son received his Eagle Award on Saturday. (Pictures to come.) And, Sleepy Joe gave me this... There are rules and requirements to this award, and I promise to fulfill them. Another day. For today, I am saying I'm sorry. I've been a complete slacker. I haven't been blogging, and, even worse, I haven't been reading all the blogs I love so much. Thing is, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. Between family, finances, self-esteem issues, rejection anxiety, and a job search- I'm dragging.  I need something to drag me out of this funk and I don't know what it is. Don't give up on me. I've not gone far. Hopefully, I'll be back soon.

I am very punctual. So much so that I feel like I'm late if I'm not at least 5 minutes early. Luckily, the Handy Man shares this character trait. Unluckily, it isn't inborn and my children (especially the teens) are still learning. It is because of this that I have been considering NOT going to a party. See, it's almost over, and I feel like it would be better not to show up at all. But, it's an internet/blogging/linkup party, so it isn't as if the other guests will look over their dessert plates and wonder why I couldn't get there on time. Still, I am throwing my hair up and putting on lipstick and my favorite top. Larissa , the party's host, is one of the sweetest people on the planet, and I'm sure will excuse my tardiness. (If you haven't read her blog, you should. Along with being sweet, she's incredibly smart and writes like a dream.) For the party she simply asked what we've been up to.  I have not been up to blogging, if...

I tried to be a city girl. A year after my high school graduation, when  two semesters at college had come to an end, I was stuck. I felt penned in by the spaciousness of my hometown.  Unsure of where to go or what to do, I signed with a nanny agency, and found myself on a plane to New York City. In between my responsibilities for the girls I cared for, my new friends and I would take the train into the city  to explore.  I loved the tall buildings, the way they swallowed me whole with their oppressive height.  Narrow streets that bustled with people and yellow taxis moved me inside and out.  The stores were expensive and glamorous.  I bought pretzels on the corner and blushed at the catcalls of men as we walked down the filthy sidewalks. New York was busy and full, completely opposite of the life I'd left in small-town Idaho.  There were people of all shapes and colors, unabashed and forward.  I thought I wanted to be one of them...

I've been resisting it for years. Years. But, now that all my kids are in school, the reality has hit. I have to go to work. Problem is, I've been a stay at home mom for most of the past 20 years. With the exception of a few part-time jobs along the way, my skill set is firmly rooted in children and home. Doesn't make for a very compelling resume. Too bad my talents aren't worth more outside the walls of our house. If so, I'd be set. Here's a list of a few of my skills- Diaper Changer - I can clean any diaper mess with a total of two wipes. (With the exception of the 'running down the legs' kind. That one requires a tub.) Nail Clipper - I have been clipping a total of 70 fingernails and 70 toenails for years. I've never cut anything but the nail. Maybe once.  Don't ask Adam. It brings back too many memories.  Laundry Aid - this one could actually be marketable. If they don't mind the clean clothes being left in a basket for day...

September came and went on the wings of a hawk. It started out slowly, gently teasing me with the promise of a new school year and time to myself. Up, up the days went, the wind blowing away the hurt and heat of summer months.  Then, with abandon, it soared down.  Faster and faster the days sped by, until, suddenly it landed with a flutter of feathers and I tore off my calendar page to face a new month. I love September.  My birth month, I have loved it since the days that it brought balloons and streamers, cake and gifts. It always meant new beginnings.  New school, new teacher, and best of all, brand new school supplies. *sigh* I still get a thrill from the notebooks and pencils that are offered for me to fill with new words and ideas. September is a good month for family.  I spent precious time with my sisters. We went to the fair.  We roamed through booths selling fattening food and 'can't-live-without' products.  We admired the calves and the ...