frazzled & frumpy

It might bother me more, if I felt that old. I don't.  Getting older has never really bothered me. Ask me how I feel in 5 years, that might change things. But, for now, it's all good. Noah wanted to know who was coming to my birthday. He thinks anyone who has a birthday has a party.  We just had a quiet day at home- with cheesecake. Here are a few random things about me. See how many you already know. I had brown eyes growing up. Brown. Now, they're hazel. I didn't like country music until 10 years ago. I was on the modern dance team at Ricks College. (When I'm resurrected, I'll have that dancer's body!) As a teenager, I had a huge crush on Shawn Cassidy. (Do you even know who that is?) Also, one on Christopher Reeves. I was a nanny- twice.  I love beets. My mom cans them every year.  My kids won't touch them, I waited too long to introduce them. Oh, well, more for me. I love action movies. I cry at the drop of a hat. Everyone knows that. You...

I'm a terrible procrastinator. And, I've been blaming my lack of effort on my book on that.  But, if I look deep inside and come face to face with the truth, I know there's more.  I'm afraid that once I get it done and polished, I still won't be able to find an agent or publisher. So, I've put it off-- for months. Every time I feel frustrated about my life and wonder what to do, I get a gentle reminder of what is sitting inside my laptop waiting for me and my attention.  This morning,I was thinking of immersing myself in writing, and there it was again, all the excuses.  I need to do laundry. The house is a mess. etc.etc.  Fact is, I always need to do laundry and the house is most often a mess. Excuses are being pushed aside. I'm ignoring everything. Hopefully, it won't take too long and I'll be back soon. Take care.

We’re sort of Survivor enthusiasts in our household. Of the 22 seasons, there’s only one we didn’t watch. I enjoy most of it, except when one of the contestants decides he needs to live naked.  That was season one and I’m still emotionally scarred.   Now, we're into season 23.   One of the hard things about the show is deciding who to root for.  You usually can’t pick a favorite in the first episode.  You think you’ve got them figured out, but they can fool you.  Take this guy for instance- I was sure Phillip was worthy of the title 'Ultimate Survivor' and the ending prize of a million bucks.  He was older (why would I root for older people? I don’t know.)  He seemed sincere.  He was a hard worker.  That  was in episode one. After that, we discovered that he was crazy.  I’m serious. Certifiable .  He claimed to be a government agent.  He walked around in his saggy underwear- pink saggy underwear.  He...

My daughters came to me last night with that 'we want something' look on their faces.  They batted their eyes and called me 'Mommy'.  Then came the favor.  And, after begging me to take them and a friend to the movies this weekend, I asked the girls what was in it for me. "What do you mean?"  "I mean, what will you do for me in return?" "Like??" "Like, you could babysit all day on Saturday...." I was rudely interrupted. "Remember, I have that party."  "And I have a service project." Hmph!  Service.  What. Ever. Giving me a day with the Handy Man would be service. "I know, we could do her laundry." "We don't even do our own laundry." Yeah, good point. "I will think of something," I assured them.  They then smiled and squealed and did the 'we're not worthy' move and I think one of them called me Holy Mother. Weird. I will think of something, ...

Do you ever think that your life is dull? That in contrast to those around you, your little light doesn't really shine?  Do you think that others are having these amazing lives with dazzling experiences while you are forced to accept the mundane?  I'm not just talking about money here, well, maybe I am.  I mean if I can't afford to take my kids to Hawaii or on a midnight ride of the Sundance ski lifts or even to a play, it's hard to expose them to those impressive adventures.   But, I'm sure there are things we could do that  don't take money. And therein lies my question. Am I really missing out because of our life-circumstance, or are there experiences to be shared that I simply am not looking for? My life seems to be in a rut.  You know, like I'm a wagon with its wheels stuck in a small crevice and I'm rocking back and forth, back and forth.  The scenery never changes. Nothing gets worse, but it also definitely doesn't improve. I want more tha...

Many years ago, my sister, who has 4 daughters, took in one of those daughter's friend. (Did that make sense?) I watched Heidi as she enveloped this young woman in her loving ways and made her a part of her family.  She did chores alongside her new sisters and attended all of our family gatherings. She called my sister 'mom'. Now, I have to tell you, I completely admire and envy my older sister's parenting skills.  She makes me look like the weak link in the parenting chain.  She is tough, but in a heart-felt way. Her girls had to go through the difficult trial of having their parents divorce when they were pre-teen and teens. But, Heidi guided them through it.  Then, she had the great fortune of marrying an amazing man.  Jerry had never had children, but he was meant to be a father. He loves his girls fiercely.  He is the pied-piper at any get-together.  He loves children and they love him right back. So, for these two to take in another child, wa...

These pictures aren't in order.  I can't figure out how to put them in order with the new  picture loader-thing. Here's my week in a nutshell- Noah started pre-school. (He's running away from me because I wouldn't let him play with a friend.) I got some new recipes from the Pioneer Woman. (The oil looks gross because the chicken kept falling out.) The Chicken Tacos were a big hit. Delicious! Jacob has his first experience riding  a BMX bike at a skate park... ..and his first experience getting stitches. I've had a lousy head cold all week. What a way to welcome the fall weather. The one thing I don't have pictures of is Max. He missed the whole week of school due to  a weird ulcer on his tonsil and really high fevers. He's pretty much back to normal now and will  be returning to school on Monday- yay!

Maybe it's because I was born in the fall. My spirit, whose memory is suppressed by my limited mind, surely remembers the season when I first arrived on this earth. That spirit, with the veil so thin, must've reveled in its new body and the miraculous feeling of being here.  Now, every year, when the heat of summer cools and the leaves put on a fashion show, my spirit nods and smiles at the memory. September, in itself, is a magical month. The kids are back in school, the weather is kinder, there is a feeling in the air that is undeniable. Take a deep breath, smell it? That's the aroma of autumn. I. Love. It. This is my birthday month. I've never minded my birthdays, even this one. Can you believe I'm halfway to 90? That may sound depressing, not so. I've done alot in the past 45 years, think of all I can do in 45 more! I did mention that the kids are back in school, right? And, this is the month for the Relief Society broadcast. I love General Confer...

Adam at 6 months.  I didn't cry when my kids started school. Not once. I was glad. Yep, call me a bad mom, but it's true. I. Couldn't. Wait.   Not just for the break for me ( tho' that was part of it), but for what it meant for them. Learning new things, making friends, fun. Okay, mostly it was for the break for me. Next year, when Noah starts, there will be no tears. Trust me.  Adam is moving out tomorrow.  He's going to Job Corps where he'll get his diploma and get job training in culinary arts. It's a whole 10 minutes away. We've known about this for a couple months, but tonight, as his dad gave him a blessing, it hit me. My baby is leaving home. As I sat and listened to the blessing, I had this strange moment. His life flashed before my eyes. Seriously. I saw him as my black-haired baby, my tow-headed toddler, a kindergartner, a scout, and now, this- He's all grown up.  He towers over me.  He makes his own decisions and things like this m...

While at our reunion last month, I gave my camera to Hunter and told him to take some pictures. I didn't know what to expect, but was pleasantly surprised.  He definitely gave me a different perspective on the ranch. It's interesting what kids notice. (The self-portraits are my favorite.)