frazzled & frumpy

Did ya miss me? I missed you, every one. I feel completely out of touch, wondering what is going on and what fabulous things you've written. It's going to take me some time to catch up. Thanks for all the nice comments. (That's one thing I allowed myself- reading them.)  I have some scrumptious cookies here for you, all warm and gooey. I realize it's LATE and I've almost missed my deadline for my return. This is bugging me because I'm never late. Honestly, if I'm running a mere 5 minutes behind, I get an anxiety attack. But, today has been filled with preparations for Jacob's graduation tomorrow. (What was I thinking, coming back today???)  I've cleaned, and painted and rearranged so many things. Now, my back hurts and I'm exhausted. And, we still have his graduation and party tomorrow. This week has been busy. Not as productive in writing as I'd hoped. But, I feel like I got my focus back and I figured out some problems with my story...

My front room looks like a storm hit it. Blankets are strewn here and there, dining chairs are out of place, and army men are waiting in camouflage to attack any bare feet that wander in. This is a result of fort-making yesterday and my being gone today. I've walked past the room several times and simply turned my head.  I don't want to deal with it. My mind has had some hurricane force winds blowing around lately, as well.  My thoughts are topsy-turvy, ideas flung hither and yon. Focus is a far-fetched concept. I try to get a hold of some thought, but it's blown out of reach before I can grasp it. I know what the problem is, but like my front room, I've had blinders on.  I find something else to distract me. facebook. Blogs. Pintrest. More blogs.  Housework, yes, even that. I think I know what I need to do.  I'm shying away from it like a dentist chair.  It won't be painful to anyone but me. Still, I cringe at the very word. Break. Yep. A bre...

 This was  a sun ring we saw on Sunday. (Maybe had something to do with the eclipse later that day?)  I can't even begin to explain the knots that are tightening inside me right now. There is something very wrong with my laptop. I have backed up my book- which is the most important thing on here- and am trying to figure out what happened. Aaahh! I'm so challenged when it comes to technology. How sad that my life is so dependant on this machine. Here's a short update- Max's thumb is broken. Dr. H. took one look at the xray and said, "Yes. There's a small crack." He left him in the brace, but told him if he didn't leave it on, I would bring him right in for a cast. Doctor's threats are much more serious than the mom kind.  The good news is that we only have three weeks, then hopefully it'll be done. I've promised a day of swimming as soon as he's better. (Also, Dr. H asked about the Handy Man's foot, which he performed...

Have a happy Sabbath.

"These dreams go on when I close my eyes Every second of the night I live another life" Those dreams, those middle-of-the-night-head-heavy-on-the-pillow dreams, are not the ones I enjoy. I'd rather skip the ones where I'm sitting in church, surrounded by my neighbors, trying to listen to the lesson, while no one around me notices that I seem to have forgotten my bra. And my shoes. And my dress.  I don't like the dreams where I'm running from a madman in heels. (I'm in heels, he has on supersonic tennies.) I have no control there in my nighttime world. I am plagued by the weird and unexplainable.  I wish I could be more like the Handy Man, who rarely remembers his dreams. Mine always come back to me in perfect clarity. There are other dreams, though. The ones I conjure up on my own. Those come to me in those sweet moments when my head first hits the cool pillow. It's quiet, peace has settled upon our home.  Here in the twilight, I can b...

Pictures on the walls are bright and cheery, belying the reason we're here.  He sits on the table, paper crinkling with each movement.  Legs swing, long and brown, bruises and scrapes a clear indication of his lifestyle.  His hand is ace-wrapped and he places it gingerly in his lap.  Normally bright eyes are red-rimmed and worried. Broken or not. The verdict will determine his near future, the only one he cares about. The thumb is an interesting member.  Small, bent at a strange angle, the ugly step-sister to the other fingers. Yet, so important, vital, to the everyday. If you need to hold, grab, or pinch something, or someone, the thumb is there. It's needed for teeth brushing, coin tossing, buttoning, and giving the ever-popular thumbs up. Overlooked and taken for granted, we don't notice its significance until we lose it. Without this digit, life is a challenge. Simple tasks become complex. For a 3rd grader at the end of the year, it's a mixed ble...

I will write a post. I will sit here until inspiration strikes. I will.. Wonder what's new on facebook. Oooh, I have a friend request. Oh, it's my brother-in-law. deny. Back to the blog. Start my homework assigned by Deb at Kicking Corners . Isn't her blog title awesome? I haven't done homework in a long time. I wonder if Jake finished his homework. What are we going to have for his graduation party? Write. Write. What was that post that was tumbling around in my head? Where's that picture I took? Pictures. Hmm. Wonder what's on Pintrest. Oh, cool. I need that recipe. I need that organizer.  I need that treehouse. I need to write. adkfjeiojofnvoirejfjoeir  Nope. Nothing. Better check my email.  Mail? Did I get the mail today? This has been my day. I've started no less than 4 posts. Not counting this one. I'm not giving up.  I'm going to sleep on it. (morguefile.com)

Motherhood is hard. No one told me this, or if they did, I couldn’t hear it.  From a very young age, like 5, it’s all I ever wanted to be.   I had baby dolls and played house almost exclusively.  Even when girls my age were spreading their wings and flirting with new pastimes,I hung on to my babies.  I dreamed of the day that I would finally claim the coveted title of mother. As adulthood dawned, I saw others who had a plan for their life.  College and careers and lofty goals.  I floundered and wandered from one job to another, taking classes without any focus.  I watched my friends get married and start families, all the while my womb sat empty.  My prince was taking his time and I was impatient.  By the world’s standards, I was young. But compared to my peers, and in my heart, time was ticking.  When he finally made his way into my life, I didn’t pause.  Within three months of getting married, I was pregnant....

'Flowers' brought to me by Noah. Did you know it's Mother's Day in 2 days? I knew, or I did on one level of my brain. That level that made plans for dinner with my family, and forced reminded my husband to call his mom.  But, I was thinking just yesterday about how I could write some posts about the women in my life- my mom, sisters, sisters-in-law, and wouldn't that be a nice gift for them? Then I realized that I don't have time.  (That's a first. hehe) I already have a Mother's Day post. I wrote an essay for nienie's 'Motherhood is..." contest. (I didn't win, surprise!)  But, the good part is I already have it written. I'll post it Sunday. Today I was in the store and saw the cards and the enormous display of flowers and I thought of my kids.  You know how kids are. They want to give you something for Mother's Day. They make you those cute cards with handprints on them, and maybe a magnet or a pencil holder (becau...

He moved into our little town my sophomore year and caused a buzz of excitement. When everyone knows everyone, a new face is more than welcome. Devin was tall with dark hair and brown eyes.  His wide smile left girls in puddles up and down the halls. I watched him run onto the football field and stared at him longingly in class.  He knew he was the center of attention and he loved it. Girls weren't the only ones smitten. Devin had many friends, but quickly found a best friend in Trent. They became inseparable, whether in class or after, on the field and at church.  They teased and laughed at their boyish jokes. Then it happened.  Devin picked a girl- because truly, he had his pick. Does it matter who it was? It wasn't me.  I found myself less devastated than I'd expected, and when the halo around Mr. TallDark faded, my eyes shifted to the one who was standing next to him. Trent was just as tall, but blond and blue eyed.  I had a group of...

We've had two birthdays in the past two days. For real. Spencer turned 13 yesterday. I now have 5 teenagers. Ack! Jacob is 18 today. Sheesh. Where did the time go? Between that, and delivering Jacob's Eagle Scout project, He (and friends) made 31 diversion boxes for the children at the hospital. and having to chauffeur my kids around (with my husband's car, mine is still 'sick'), and drive my husband to and from Salt Lake for work (45 min each way), I haven't been on my computer much. Tomorrow is looking much better.

The random thoughts going through my brain today. 1. A flat surface in my house, any flat surface, given enough time (like 2 days), will look like this- 2. Teaching your child to spell is not 100% a good idea. 3. If someone saw the laundry and magazines and Eagle Scout project supplies taking up my bed, they might assume I'm a hoarder. (No picture, because I doubt you want to see my unfolded laundry.) 4. I rock at making teacher appreciation bulletin boards. (Also, I can't spell bulletin. I had to look it up. duh.) 5. Cars are tools of the devil. Plain and simple. Today, I would like to do to my car what Cameron did to his dad's in Ferris Beuller. You know, kick the crap out of it, then send it flying- Pretty sure the insurance wouldn't cover it, though. 6. What's worse than having your car break down on your way home from the junior high school? Missing a massage because your car broke down on the way home from the junior...

Some days, when I look in the mirror, I'm shocked. Who is this woman with her tired eyes, and, what the hell happened to her skin? I honestly go around most of the day thinking I still look like this- Me. 1987. Kill Devil Hills, NC Ah. Youth. We take it for granted because we think that somehow we're going to be the one to hold on to it. We look at our elders, feeling pity for their gray hair and wrinkles, so glad that it isn't us. Then overnight, Father Time steps in and does his dance across our bodies.  Parts that used to point heavenward are now gesturing to the grave that is standing at attention. Smooth, perfect skin wrinkles and creases under his aging polka. He cha-cha's across our joints, leaving them achy and dry. Last of all, he siphons out all the energy and vigor, draining just enough that we feel like we can do something, then lose steam halfway through. What is up with those bangs?? I miss that girl. She loved trying new things. She danced ...

Did you know that you can find out how people found your blog? You probably did. I did not. Now, I'm feeling a bit weird about some of my searches. (how to make chocolate fudge; longer second toe; people of Wal-Mart)  So, anyway, some other bloggers post the google searches that brought people to their blog for the month. Mine aren't nearly as interesting as theirs. You should check them out- janesinfinitewisdom  and wordnerdspeaks  are just a couple. Here are mine anyway. duggar house - Yes, I've blogged about them. But, my house isn't as big as theirs. Don't have quite as many kids either. "why women need fat" 1960 - Book review. Tho' I like to think I do need fat. Makes me feel better about the fact that I have fat.  cartoon kids housework - the way they do housework is a bit cartoonish. mammogram- been there, done that.  drawing of brother and sister hugging - hmm. I do hug my siblings, but I've never drawn it.  marvelous feet -...